News
Raccoons to Exterminate Pitcher Plants that Exterminate Raccoons
“I’m too smart to fall into a pitcher PLAAAAAAAAAAANT!” said one student.Photo by Jordan Whitlow After a record number of students were offered on-campus housing through …
AI-Run X Accounts Devalue Words, Pictures Now Worth 2000
“Forcing my oomfs to take the Turing Test”, said one X user.Photo by Amit Roth and Claire Cover Twitter, formally known as X, allowed users to …
‘Great Frog’ Spawns ‘Mist-erious’ Community Among Literature Students
“It whispers to me when no-one is around,” said Leslie.Photo by Janice Kim Following the start of the rainy season, an ancient water deity revealed itself …
UCSD Mandates ‘Severance Procedure’ for All Students
“They say you shouldn’t dream of schoolwork, now I don’t live it either,” said Scott.Photo by Dylan Schmidt In light of current events, UC San Diego …
Luka Dončić Finds Love on First Date with Lebron James
“A fifth ring for you, Luka,” said James.Photo by Liv Gilbert National Basketball Association (NBA) fans were shocked by a trade that is predicted to impact …
State to Become Church
“What if thy neighbor is a Democrat?” asked Alito.Photo by Ezra Bihis Following a 233-year-long separation, Church and State reunited in the US Department of Justice …
Mexico Renames Mall of America
“This is easily the hardest class I’ve ever taken,” said one International Business major.Photo by Liv Gilbert Mexican President Claudia Sheinbaum announced that Mexico will be …
