News
AI-Run X Accounts Devalue Words, Pictures Now Worth 2000
“Forcing my oomfs to take the Turing Test”, said one X user.Photo by Amit Roth and Claire Cover Twitter, formally known as X, allowed users to …
Researchers Implant First Entirely Artificial Personality
The Joe Rogan Experience will become available to every US citizen in the coming month.Photo by Jordan Whitlow In what is being called one of the …
UCSD Reports First Cases of Dancing Plague Since 1518
“Shake it off,” advised Chancellor Khosla.Photo by Theo Erickson Amid surges of COVID and mounting cases of H5N1, France recently began reporting individuals engaging in “spontaneous …
Revelle College to Introduce Epistemology Requirement
“We had to write our own textbook,” said HUM 0 student Levah-Mia Lone.Photo by Farhad Taraporevala Revelle College has announced that they will add a new …
Mandeville Gallery Starts Sending Art from the Future
“I don’t know if I can milk 250 words out of this for my discussion post,” said student Scheele Breen.Photo by Jordan Whitlow UC San Diego’s …
5G Towers Found to Spread Cell Service
“Phages hate this one trick,” said undergraduate research assistant Polly Merrace.Photo by Theo Erickson A recent breakthrough study led by Gervin Hernandez, an electrical engineer with …
Ridge Walk Introduces FasTrak Lane
“And I… I took the Trak less traveled by,” said literature major Carol Quickley.Photo by Jordan Whitlow Starting in Fall 2025, UC San Diego will be …
Weather Forecast Now Shows Chances of CEO Assassination
“Wait, so does ‘20%’ mean 20% coverage of bullet rain, or that there’s a 20% chance of bullet rain?”asked Fawner.Photo by Dylan Schmidt After the assassination …
Donald Trump Steps Down to Become Whale Psychiatrist
“Please don’t use whale puns. They don’t like them. It’s not good for them,” said Trump.Photo by Jordan Whitlow After pardoning himself for “everything he had …
NFL Declares Hundred-Year Study on Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy
“My head hurts,” said one player.Photo by Amit Roth Last week, National Football League Commissioner Roger Goodell announced a new initiative aimed at understanding the long-term …
