“A fifth ring for you, Luka,” said James.
Photo by Liv Gilbert
National Basketball Association (NBA) fans were shocked by a trade that is predicted to impact the balance of power of the Western Conference for the foreseeable future. The Los Angeles Lakers and the Dallas Mavericks have agreed to send generational superstar Luka Dončić, who recently led the Mavericks to the NBA finals, to Los Angeles. In return, Dallas has received the aging and injured star Anthony Davis, a 2029 first-round pick that NBA representatives stated “will surely guarantee another once in a generation superstar,” and a “long-neglected” cattle ranch in Midlanowhere, Nebraska.
Last week, paparazzi captured Dončić sharing a romantic evening with LeBron James of the LA Lakers at a luxury restaurant in Beverly Hills. Since the news was leaked, it has become “the next big thing” for basketball fans to debate about online.
“A betrayal to our values, that’s what it is,” stated lifelong Mavericks fan Rhett P. Blickan. Blickan has been devoted to the Mavericks since the ’80s and stuck with the team through the cold, unrelenting grasp of the ’90s. When asked about the upcoming decade, he shook his head and repeatedly muttered the word “sinful” for several minutes before giving further comment: “I thought we voted to stop this kind of thing.” When pressed as to whether he was talking about Dallas General Man- ager Nico Harrison or NBA commissioner Adam Silver — neither of whom were voted in — Blickan simply trudged away, visibly shaken by the news of the trade.
On the other side of the trade, Lakers fan Demi Cratt expressed that she was more interested in the drama surrounding the trade than in the ramifications of the trade itself. “It’s so won-
derful to see them in LA! It’s like a dream come true. It’s just so romantic seeing them play with each other. I hope they get the ring this year.” Cratt also expressed excitement about Dončić’s techniques, saying, “I like how he’s got great ball handling and can take it to the rim. He will make such a great addition to my fantasies.” This was in reference to fantasy basketball, where Dončić has been a premier pick. When asked about the Lakers’ shot at winning the Championship for the first time since 2020, their potentially weakened defense due to the loss of Anthony Davis, and the potential of a young star to lead the franchise in a post-LeBron era, Cratt was silent, reportedly thinking through the infinite strategic ramifications of the trade.
Since then, NBA commissioner Adam Silver broke his own silence and soothed the crowd at a press conference by providing a simple explanation for the whole affair. “The NBA cares most about its players. We serve the players, and in this case, Dončić wanted James and James wanted Dončić. So, I arranged that to happen. What other purpose does the NBA serve but to make our super-rich, superstar players happy? The drama for the masses is secondary.” It is unclear as of this moment how Adam Silver “arranged that to happen” or what exactly the Lakers and the Mavericks are doing to win the ring, which must still mean something to someone.
