Local
Raccoon Cult Offers UCSD Students Secure Housing
Some students claim to have witnessed a demonic possession, but it was just a case of rabies.Photo by Maria Dhilla With over 50,000 admitted students and a …
New Sticky Notes Sell Out After Gaining Massive Hype
One Typebeast said, “Damn, I sure hope this fad sticks.”Photo by Sharon Roth Ever since their launch in August, textured sticky notes have dominated the famously bloodthirsty …
LEGO US Releases Nation Building Sets, Parts Recalled for Injuring Future Generations
China has reportedly been buying the LEGO sets in large numbers, eager to get a sneak peek at US military designs.Photo by Maria Dhilla In what one …
Local Crypto-Entomologist Finds a Bug in His Code
“Cockroach, null pointer, stick bug, ladybug, stack overflow, rhinoceros beetle, moth, caterpillar, infinite recursion, worm, centipede, millipede. These are my favorite bugs, in order,” said Turing.Photo …
Agricultural Revolution Erupts from Horse Dewormer Shortage
“We are not horsing around,” claimed Susie McCue’s neighbor.Photo by Maria Dhilla Ivermectin and other horse-related medications have long been out of stock following claims made by …
Impossible Foods to Release “Horrifyingly Realistic” Human Meat
“Impossible Flesh is great, but I kind of miss putting a real dude’s meat in my mouth,” remarked one customer.Photo by Jack Yang Following their successful reproductions …
Local MILF Willing to “Risk it All” for One Night of Dining Out at Rubio’s Coastal Grill
“We could go wherever you’d like: Rubio’s, Del Taco, Taco Bell, Third Base,” remarked Kooter.Photo by Sharon Roth Described by her stepson, Britchard, as having the “toned …
Wizards of the Coast Announces New D&D Book: The Curse of QAnon
“Thank God I don’t have to keep homebrewing this sort of thing,” commented one tired dungeon master.Photo by Jack Yang At an investor meeting yesterday, Wizards of …
Dr Pepper Forced to Pay Fine When Drink is Revealed to Contain Less Than 20% Doctors
It has notes of arrogance and student loans.Photo by Sharon Roth A high profile class-action lawsuit against Doctor Pepper over the doctoral composition of the eponymous soft …
Local Scrabble Champion Outraged: “If Marijuana is Legal, Proper Nouns Should Be Too”
Moms have been concerned that this scrabble will lead kids to dabble in more complex word games.Photo by Maria Dhilla The legalization of marijuana has been making …
