Campus
Literature Department to Launch Pseudo-Philosophy Major
“This is sooo Orwellian and Kafkaesque,” Xeeted one student.Photo by Amit Roth In a department-wide email last Monday, the UC San Diego Literature Department announced its …
Babies to Be Banned From UCSD
The lactation rooms will be changed to Just Walk Out markets.Photo by Dylan Schmidt At around noon on September 17th, UC San Diego’s first available move-in …
Federal Government To Fund UCSD’s Premiere Conversion Therapy Camp
Executives at UC San Diego have begun spearheading initiatives to improve its quality of education. According to a leaked internal memo, one of these initiatives will …
Tapioca Express offers limited-edition Kiki drinks
On-campus boba shop Tapioca Express recently announced that through the end of Week One, they will be running a limited-time menu of Kiki drinks. The new …
Local Student Adopts Dorm Woodpecker
This summer, Housing, Dining, and Hospitality issued the largest fine in university history to an unnamed Revelle student after the student left over 50 holes in …
Masc Lesbian Faces Backlash for Outfit Choices
Local lesbian Alexander showed up to Eighth College orientation wearing a “green Weezer shirt, yellow khakis, and a fluorescent pink fanny pack” to the horror of …
Price Center to Open Long-Awaited Sperm Bank
“The future is coming,” said lead designer Elliot D’Amore.Photo by Jordan Whitlow Last week, UC San Diego announced the opening of the Triton Seed Vault — …
UCSD Introduces ‘Low-Speed, No-Rail’ System
“I have yet to see a villain tie someone to the road,” one student commented.Photo by Amit Roth Amid a flurry of UC-wide budget cuts, UC …
UCSD Announces Hunger Games for Remaining Parking Spot
“Wait, you guys are in it for the parking spot?”, said one competitor.Photo by Jordan Whitlow Amid Trump’s recent attack on public university budgets, UC San …
Local Feminist Group Declares Female Form ‘Yucky’
“Let’s show them what we’re made of!” said one counterprotester.Photo by Erica Rosslee On the third day of last month’s California Women’s Convention, self-proclaimed “feminist activist” …
