Matthew Miltimore
Local Student Floods Childhood Home to Remember Life on Campus
Mahone’s father later commented that he was concerned that the family’s finances “would be in deep water after this stunt.”Photo by Jack Yang Mark Mahone, a second-year …
New Guy in Town “Definitely a Time Traveler”
After a dead butterfly was logged as evidence, the sheriff’s department issued a statement urging city residents to report any future events that could have gone …
The Pole is the Worst Art Piece on Campus vs. ..-. ..- -.-. -.- / -.– — ..-
Point: The Pole is the Worst Art piece on Campus At the end of my senior year of high school, I found myself facing one of …
Burger King Announces New Snakey Shakey to compete with McDonald’s Shamrock Shake
Burger King announced that every Kid’s Shake will come with a free rattle.Photo by Sharon Roth In a new step towards commercializing holidays across the calendar, Burger …
Groundhog Day Inner Circle Reveals Punxsutawney Phil as “Treacherous Warhawk”
Rumor has it Punxsutawney Phil grows stronger every time someone misspells his name.Photo by Sharon Roth Only a few days after he declared an early spring, serious …
Costco Sample Guy in Consideration for Michelin Star
Critics’ only complaint was that they could only take one sample at a time.Photo by Jack Yang Longtime employee of Claremont’s Costco Wholesale, Hank McKindle, has been …
Dear Santa, why didn’t I get any presents this year? vs. You’re 35, Bill
Point: Dear Santa, why didn’t I get any presents this year? Dear Santa, My name is Bill, and I have a question to ask you. Why …
Manly Flavors Offered for New Male Birth Control
Unlike women’s birth control, this can be purchased over the counter, and at lower prices.Photo by Sharon Roth In an effort to make hormonal birth control options …
Local Glass-Breaking Business is a “Smashing Success”
In response to concerns over possible injuries from broken glass, the store owners reassured customers that “there is nothing to worry about. We have a waiver …
H&M Mannequin Joins Democratic Primary Race
Trump has reportedly shared many concerns about the fact that candidate Robert Perrson was made in China.Photo by Jack Yang Robert Perrson, a mannequin from the …
