Hykins was reportedly enthralled when she purchased her “one-way ticket from Berlin to unemployment.”
Photo by Stephen Lightfoot
In an attempt to ignore the inevitability of adult life, graduating senior Lana Hykins has decided to delay her official graduation a few months by studying abroad.
“I couldn’t be more excited to be taking some ‘me time’ after graduation. I know I spent this last quarter as a part-time student taking electives, but the last few months have been really hard on me. Even the process of taking grad photos and preparing to walk at commencement has been really stressful. So I don’t think I can handle the uncertainty of the real world right now.”
After commencement, most college graduates either go on to pursue a graduate degree, or transition straight into the job market. Hykins has decided to do neither, instead spending her summer in Berlin at a Global Seminar program. Her parents have decided to fund her trip even after asking her to save up the money herself.
“We’re kind of worried about her well-being, to be honest,” said Hykins’s parents. “We thought some time studying abroad might be the perfect distraction, so that way she doesn’t have to worry about getting a job for a few months — even though we’ve been asking for a while. She could’ve gone to graduate school like everyone else in her field, but maybe Berlin would be a better fit for her. I mean, the best way to plan for the future is by not doing it at all, right?”
Hykins attributed her post-graduate stress to the declining graduate job market. However, the Bureau of Labor Statistics has estimated the unemployment rate for college graduates to be at approximately 2.1 percent, a number that has been continuously decreasing in the last few years.
“I probably could have been applying for jobs these last few months, but I really want to concentrate on my study abroad experience. I’m hoping to extend it to the fall if all goes well,” said Hykins. “Plus, it’s so hard to find work this far in advance. No way any company would want to hire me so many months out. Have you ever tried applying for a job? I’ve heard it’s pretty tough.”
“No, we’ve had jobs lined up since January or February — some of us even earlier,” said Hykins’s graduating friend. “To be honest, it was super easy; companies have pretty much been throwing job offers at us left and right.
I think she could find a job if she just started looking. Has she started looking?”
Hykins was later seen deleting all of her Indeed and ZipRecruiter emails in order to make space for the Duolingo app. When asked for comment, she replied, “Well what’s more useful: daily tailored job recommendations or German? Because those idiots with their stable careers won’t feel so accomplished when they need to ask for directions in Munich and have no idea how to. Auf Wiedersehen, LinkedIn!”