Volume 30
Anyone Who Has Ever Had a Drop of Alcohol Is Going Straight to Hell vs It’s Not Alcoholism if You’re in College
POINT: Anyone Who Has Ever Had a Drop of Alcohol Is Going Straight to Hell You children these days are all fools. You lot are always …
I Can’t Believe It’s My Last Hot Girl Summer vs Thou Shalt Have No Harvest
POINT: I Can’t Believe It’s My Last Hot Girl Summer Five years gone. They really snuck up on me. Is this really the last summer I’ll …
Students Found to Use Pythagorean Theorem Daily
“I thought trigonometry would be just as fun as the Pythagorean theorem, but it was just SOH-SOH,” said Abby Tuse.Photo by Amit Roth A recent poll …
UCLA Invites Dick Cheney for Commencement Speech
“I heard Dick Cheney made money off the Iraq War,” said Al Gore. “Ain’t that an inconvenient truth?”Photo by Farhad Taraporevala Two former vice presidents will …
Tennessee Students to Start Concealed Carrying
“I knew violent video games would come in handy one day,” said one student.Photo by Farhad Taraporevala Just five days after Governor Rick Les Stu Pidity …
I Haven’t Cried in Over a Decade Because We’ve Been in a Drought
I’ve spent my entire life as a God-fearing professional onion chopper, and never in my life have I ever witnessed a drought last longer than my …
Students to Graduate
“It’s great commencement is outside the unemployment office. Really saves time on my commute,” said graduating student Onion Ployable.Photo by Erica Rosslee and Jordan Whitlow After …
AXE Body Spray Is Vile vs As an Alpha Male, AXE Body Spray Is My Life
POINT: AXE Body Spray is Vile If you’re like me, you’ve shown up to your 9 a.m. class in Solis feeling accomplished for participating in your …
