Volume 27
College Student Swears By “The Graduate” Method; Friends Call It “Mommy Issues”
Zagard described the moves of his latest date to be “just like Mom used to make.”Photo by Jack Yang After major backlash from community members, the US …
I’m Haunted by Successful People Sharing My Name
My name is Mary Smith. Yes, that Mary Smith. I come from a long line of Mary Smiths, as I was named after my grandma, great-grandma, …
Spectrum Redefines Limits of Acceptable Service
“I’d send a strongly worded email,” said Ngo, “but my router won’t stop catching on fire.”Photo by Maria Dhilla The ongoing COVID-19 pandemic has dealt harsh blows …
I’m Batman
We live in unprecedented times where world-altering challenges such as climate change, racial injustice, and, of course, the pandemic face us at every corner. For the …
The MQ Writes The Next Great American Novel (Better Versions of The Great Gatsby)
So we were sitting in front of an empty computer screen, getting ready to write the next great American novel, when we
found out that F. Scott Fitzgerald’s “The Great Gatsby” entered public domain. Might as well give that our best shot,
right? Why create new media, when we can ride on the coattails of media we know people will like? Everything’s a sequel
or reboot nowadays, anyway. 21st Century Fox, return our calls? Please.
Local Teen Girl Justifies New Years Party
In response to one party-goer claiming that their cocaine was “95 percent pure,” another partygoer held up hand sanitizer, saying, “This is 99.9 percent pure.”Photo by Maria …
Reagan can Trickle Down on MY Economy
By By Richard Montegomery III Future Millionaire Sometimes it’s hard to be living in America, especially right now because of the whole pandemic thing going on, …
Plants
Capitalistic Exploits and Burrito Binging.
The MQ Makes a Picnic Date
It’s going to be Valentine’s Day in a couple of days, and
you’re already going to be disappointed, what with the
everything going on. So why not get your hopes up even
more by imagining… the perfect date?!
The Grinch Reoffends, Prison Sentence Grows Three Sizes That Day
The Grinch’s lawyer insisted they addressed the elephant in the room — Horton.Photo by Maria Dhilla Last Tuesday, the Grinch, notably regarded as “a furry green humbug,” …
