Volume 27

Top Ten

Top Ten Worst Parts of 2020

Written by: The MQ

Top Ten Worst Parts of 2020 The Epcot ball rolled away, flattening Orlando NPR rebranded as National Private Radio 20th Century Fox killed off Bart Simpson …

Top Ten

Top Ten Things You Should Buy With Your Stimulus Check

Written by: The MQ

Top Ten Things You Should Buy With Your Stimulus Check A special order for a T-shirt that reads: “I went through unprecedented times and all I …

Top Ten

Top Ten Ways to Seem More Mature

Written by: The MQ

Top Ten Ways to Seem More Mature Tell your friends, “Wow, you’ve grown so much,” everytime you see them Order a black coffee and pretend to …

Top Ten

Top Ten Similarities Between the Senate Floor and the Dance Floor

Written by: The MQ

Top Ten Similarities Between the Senate Floor and the Dance Floor There’s a house whip 😉 Sometimes there are bills on the floor You wish Mitch …

Skyboxes

New Plane Has a Corkscrew-shaped Cockpit

Written by: The MQ

Resulting price hike fucks you over

ArticlesLocalNewsTech

Discord Mods Confused About New Kitten Adoption Agency

Written by: Gabrielle Hart

“I hate that I actually know what a catgirl is now,” remarked Ahmed.Photo by Sharon Roth The local humane society has just opened up a newly added …

Skyboxes

Local Dog Votes

Written by: The MQ

Has bone to pick with incumbent

Sunday Comics

Plants

Written by: Ram Sivapalan, Bri Arce and Hanaa Moosavi

Capitalistic Exploits and Burrito Binging.

Features

The MQ Makes a Picnic Date

Written by: The MQ

It’s going to be Valentine’s Day in a couple of days, and
you’re already going to be disappointed, what with the
everything going on. So why not get your hopes up even
more by imagining… the perfect date?!

ArticlesCampusLocalNews

The Grinch Reoffends, Prison Sentence Grows Three Sizes That Day

Written by: Matthew Miltimore

The Grinch’s lawyer insisted they addressed the elephant in the room — Horton.Photo by Maria Dhilla Last Tuesday, the Grinch, notably regarded as “a furry green humbug,” …