Volume 27 Issue 2
Pandemic Not Enough to Halt Construction at UCSD
Cafe Ventana’s food reportedly tastes the same even with nuclear waste mixed in.Photo by Sharon Roth In light of the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, UCSD has made …
Top Ten Things You Almost Forgot About in 2020
Top 10 Things You Almost Forgot About in 2020 The sensation of a lover’s caress The Alamo The apocalyptic boom of a HydroFlask hitting the floor …
Top Ten Ways to Ascend
Top Ten Ways to Ascend Unlock repressed childhood trauma Put on a sweater fresh from the dryer Consume the elusive 3% milk Push every door marked …
Top Ten Forbidden Dining Hall Meals
Top Ten Forbidden Dining Hall Meals Chicken tendrils The Pines Cockroach Salad™ Cough Drop Gushers The ready-to-eat sushi sold at the markets Chocolate cupcake with garlic …
If 2020 Fucked Everyone, Then How Come I’m Still A Virgin?
By Trenton Toland Freshman Incel When I heard the Fox News Financial Analyst say “2020 fucked everyone,” my initial thought was, “Sweet! Now I don’t have …
Top Ten Ways to Make Sure Your Vote Gets Counted
Top Ten Ways to Make Sure Your Vote Gets Counted Vote several times just to make sure Ask very nicely Show up in person with no …
The MQ Secedes From the Union
We the People of the United Satire of the MQ (aka Munited Qates aka Mew Qealand aka Mouth Qorea aka MadaQascar aka MonQolia), in order to form a more perfect punchline, establish humor and ensure mocking hilarity, provide for the common reader, promote the general laughter and ensure the blessings of newspaper
New Super Political Compass U
Did you know Goomba was a closeted Republican? I sure didn’t. Come check out where your favorite Mario characters lie on the political spectrum.
What Should Have Happened
What Should Have Happened?!! By Hanaa Moosavi, Ram Sivapalan, & Bri Arce
