Volume 22
Study Finds Men More Masculine Than Ever
Men have been found to be manlier than ever, as reported by a recent scientific study. Researchers attribute this increase in manliness to factors including the …
Area Cat First Ever to Catch the Red Dot
Guthrie Jagermanjensen, a seven-year-old British shorthair from Claremont Mesa accomplished the “glorious feat” of catching the red dot that has eluded cats around the world for …
Disgruntled Tour Guide Leads Group Up Peterson Hill
In an ongoing campus tour, third-year undergraduate tour guide Irene Montani led her 24-person tour group up the entirety of Peterson Hill in frustration at her …
Top Ten Things You Didn’t Expect To See at Black’s Beach
Good, wholesome family fun Oscar-winner Tom Hanks on a raft with a volleyball My goddamn tax money Apparently birthmarks are back in style All four members …
Top Fifteen Similarities between Your Iced Coffee and Your Nagging Mother
You always feel the need to poop 15 minutes afterwards Part of Dad’s morning ritual Cause of a screaming match with the Anaheim Starbucks barista Freud’s …
Top Ten Issues of the 2064 Election
Androids only worth three-fifths of a vote Whether two dogs can get gay-married to a slippery slope Kanye West declared a deity, separation of Church and …
Top Ten Similarities Between Jury Duty And Getting an Enema
You have to watch a video from 1977 explaining the process first “My sister died and this is all you’re doing about it?” It’s not fun …
Top Ten Reasons Why OxiClean Couldn’t Quite Get That Stain Out
You still haven’t made your five easy payments of $9.95 It’s not a stain; it’s modern art. Please sir, you’re at the MOMA, get out OxiClean …
Chrome Bug Releases Incognito History To Your Parents; “I Can Explain”
Last weekend, Chrome’s most recent bug, “Bedbugiezz,” sent extensive incognito web-history lists to parents. Flabbergasted and unable to form words, like always, pre-teens across the nation …
UCSD Football Player Dies of Head Trauma
In a sad turn of events, Peyton F. Bawl, UCSD’s star quarterback player has succumbed to his injuries and died. Bawl was UCSD’s hero in its …
