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Briefs

Target Announces Ides of March Pride Collection

Written by: Katie Campbell

On March 12, Target CEO Knott Pandring announced the newest entry to the store’s Pride collection of dishware and home goods: a set of 23 knives …

ArticlesNewsTech

Google Lays Off Entire In-House Circus

Written by: Jacob King

“I’ve been searching and searching for a job, but I think I’ve just lost my drive,” said Willow.Photo by Amit Roth Citing recent economic troubles, Google …

Briefs

Student Awaits Punishment for “Bathroom Grinding”

Written by: Tyee Arey

Controversy arose on campus when word spread that Itsara Chen, a third-year business major, was in the Catalyst Hall bathroom stall while on a Zoom call …

Skyboxes

Farmer’s Produce Runs Away

Written by: The MQ

He doesn’t carrot all

ArticlesCampusNews

UCSD Chemists Abandon IUPAC in Favor of “Making Shit Up”

Written by: Katie Campbell

“I’m pretty sure someone labeled the heavy water as regular water,” remarked one slightly heavier lab student.Photo by Millie You After two afternoons of deliberations, the …

ArticlesNationalNews

Mother Traps Baby Under Bar to Break Deadlift Record

Written by: Everett Ririe

“I think powerlifting competitions should ban PEBs,” said Hafþór Björnsson. “Performance enhancing babies detract from the clean nature of the sport.”Photo by Connor Betterly On March …

Top Ten

Top Ten New Pasta Shapes

Written by: The MQ

ArticlesNewsPolitics

Guy Fieri Announces Bid for California Senate Seat with Diners, Drive-Ins and Democracy

Written by: Farhad Taraporevala

“If he can beat Bobby Flay, he can do anything,” voiced one voter.Photo by Connor Betterly On Tuesday, February 14, longtime California senator Dianne Feinstein announced …

Back PageFeatures

Top Ten Ways to Prevent Scurvy… Arrr!

Written by: The MQ

ArticlesCampusNews

UC San Diego Bans Sale of Caffeinated Beverages

Written by: Madeline Mozafari

“Caffeine is technically a drug,” noted one police officer. “That means it should be illegal.”Photo by Amit Roth Citing a new study by Dr. Walter Jolt-a-Lot, …