28.4
Some Rocks Don’t Brush Their Teeth
They take their dental health for granite
Tennis Novice Wins First Game
Is thrust into the limelight
Top Ten Reasons Why Clifford Got So Big
10. Insane selective breeding9. Vitamin overdose8. He was bitten by a radioactive Great Dane7. Inflation in the US over the last decade6. Pushing all the sliders …
I Only Make the Class Discords Because Everyone Else Has a God Complex and That’s Why You Should Thank Me
By J. H. SavyeurShepard of the Flock Have you ever been in a lecture and you see that Discord link plunged into chat in the first …
Thespians Claim COVID Immunity As They Are “Really Good At Pretending They Don’t Have It”
“The only jab I’ll get is behind the curtain,” said the actor playing Polonius.Photo by Sharon Roth Last December, the Actors Association of America (AAA) released a …
Frat Houses Campaign to Have New COVID-19 Strains Named After Them
“We’re still getting noise complaints, but now it’s only because of all the coughing,” bragged Jason.Image by Sharon Roth As the nation sees more and more …
Escaped Lab Mouse Takes up Residence in Seventh College Elevator
Escaped Lab Mouse Takes up Residence in Seventh College Elevator Last Friday, first-year Seventh College student Christopher Crumbs reported seeing a mouse on one of the …
Groundbreaking Study Finds Average New Year’s Resolution Is Only Kept for 25 Minutes
“New hour, new me,” said Debilis.Photo by Jack Yang The National Academy of Sciences recently published a study showing that the average New Year’s resolution is …
Top Ten Items We Found in the Fridge After Returning from Winter Break
10. Another, smaller fridge9. Our dead wife8. A cup of drug-free pee7. Laika’s exploded remains6. Our roommate who hid there all break to get the $650 …
