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ArticlesNews

Psych Student Develops Cure for Déjà Vu

Written by: Everett Ririe

Rats treated with Don’tjà Vu were eight times more likely to double-check that the stove was off before leaving the cage.Photo by Robin Brewin Last month, Don’tjà …

Top Ten

Top Ten Songs from Musk the Musical

Written by: The MQ

Top Ten Songs from Musk the Musical It’s A-Me! Wario! Hyperloop to Hell SpaceX Oddity Do You Wanna Build A Tesla? Careful Whisper (I’m Trying to …

Skyboxes

Some Rocks Don’t Brush Their Teeth

Written by: The MQ

They take their dental health for granite

Skyboxes

Tennis Novice Wins First Game

Written by: The MQ

Is thrust into the limelight

Top Ten

Top Ten Reasons Why Clifford Got So Big

Written by: The MQ

10. Insane selective breeding9. Vitamin overdose8. He was bitten by a radioactive Great Dane7. Inflation in the US over the last decade6. Pushing all the sliders …

EditorialOpinion

I Only Make the Class Discords Because Everyone Else Has a God Complex and That’s Why You Should Thank Me

Written by: Andrew Sitko

By J. H. SavyeurShepard of the Flock Have you ever been in a lecture and you see that Discord link plunged into chat in the first …

ArticlesNews

Thespians Claim COVID Immunity As They Are “Really Good At Pretending They Don’t Have It”

Written by: Karina Yu

“The only jab I’ll get is behind the curtain,” said the actor playing Polonius.Photo by Sharon Roth Last December, the Actors Association of America (AAA) released a …

ArticlesCampusNews

Frat Houses Campaign to Have New COVID-19 Strains Named After Them

Written by: Madeline Mozafari

“We’re still getting noise complaints, but now it’s only because of all the coughing,” bragged Jason.Image by Sharon Roth As the nation sees more and more …

Briefs

Escaped Lab Mouse Takes up Residence in Seventh College Elevator

Written by: Madeline Mozafari

Escaped Lab Mouse Takes up Residence in Seventh College Elevator Last Friday, first-year Seventh College student Christopher Crumbs reported seeing a mouse on one of the …

ArticlesHolidaysNews

Groundbreaking Study Finds Average New Year’s Resolution Is Only Kept for 25 Minutes

Written by: Pranav Reddy

“New hour, new me,” said Debilis.Photo by Jack Yang The National Academy of Sciences recently published a study showing that the average New Year’s resolution is …