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Top Ten Ways to Ascend
Top Ten Ways to Ascend Unlock repressed childhood trauma Put on a sweater fresh from the dryer Consume the elusive 3% milk Push every door marked …
Top Ten Forbidden Dining Hall Meals
Top Ten Forbidden Dining Hall Meals Chicken tendrils The Pines Cockroach Salad™ Cough Drop Gushers The ready-to-eat sushi sold at the markets Chocolate cupcake with garlic …
If 2020 Fucked Everyone, Then How Come I’m Still A Virgin?
By Trenton Toland Freshman Incel When I heard the Fox News Financial Analyst say “2020 fucked everyone,” my initial thought was, “Sweet! Now I don’t have …
Top Ten Ways to Make Sure Your Vote Gets Counted
Top Ten Ways to Make Sure Your Vote Gets Counted Vote several times just to make sure Ask very nicely Show up in person with no …
Former “Gifted” Student No Longer “a Pleasure to Have in Class”
“Sometimes I feel like I peaked in preschool,” lamented Livens.Photo by Sharon Roth In first grade, Amanda Livens was reportedly labeled a “talented and gifted” student. 12 …
Even I, A Poli Sci Major, Have No Idea What the Fuck is Going On
By Jeremy Rossi Fourth-year Poli Sci Student Oftentimes my friends come to me for my hot takes on current events. And who could blame them? As …
Zoom Backgrounds Now More Important Than Fashion Sense
Casando said, “I haven’t left my house in months. I wouldn’t be caught dead without my zoom background!”Photo by Sharon Roth As the COVID-19 pandemic continues to …
Microaggressions Actually Still Do Exist Because — vs. Actually, I’ll Explain This One, Brenda
Point: Microaggressions Actually Still Do Exist Because — Hello everyone. My name is Brenda and I work on the third floor. I called this meeting to …
