Coastal Ecosystem Devastated After Gender-Reveal Oil Spill

Written by: Jack Yang

BP has recently defended the Deepwater Horizon spill, calling it “ahead of its time.”Photo by Jack Yang Several miles of coastal wetland in the San Diego area …


New From the CDC: “Social Distancing Rules Still Apply, Even if You Really Really Need a Hug”

Written by: Megan Cox

Whittman stated: “These pillows are so fluffy, I might not even go back to people after this.”Photo by Jack Yang In a recent press conference, the Center …


Local Chef Opens Dessert Chain, OnlyFlans

Written by: Sharon Roth

One dissenter said, “Who would go all the way to a store to get desserts? Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for …


Instagram Influencer Predicts the Future by Reading Makeup Smears on Face Masks

Written by: Aniela Drumonde

“The spirits are telling me you haven’t been following me on Instagram. Would you like my handle?” asked Welch.Photo by Stephen Lightfoot In the age of Instagram …


Molecular Gastronomist Sticks “This Machine Kills Fascists” Sticker on Nitro Foam Maker

Written by: Dan Kaliblotzky

“This dish is pretty conceptual, so I wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t understand it on the first taste,” said Tenshuss.Photo by Stephen Lightfoot Local Restaurateur Pete …


WAPT Helicopter (Wet Ass Portable Tank) Quenches California’s Raging Fires

Written by: Adian Valdez

WAPT was projected to be slightly more effective than a bucket and a mop.Photo by Sharon Roth A new hero with a peculiar name has emerged from …


Local Graduate Surprised High School Classmate Isn’t Involved In Pyramid Scheme

Written by: Stephen Lightfoot

Local Graduate Surprised High School Classmate Isn’t Involved In Pyramid Scheme In what has been described as “quite pleasant surprise,” UC San Diego graduate Kendrick Nolan …


Student Fed Up With Quarantine Aiming for 2021 Olympic Team

Written by: Pilan Scruggs

“When I heard that my friend’s roommate was riposting her art, I thought it was just a social media thing. That was, until I saw the …

Top Ten

Top Ten “retro” Items They’ll Bring Back In 2070

Written by: The MQ

Top Ten “retro” Items They’ll Bring Back In 2070 Polaroid cameras, for the fifth time Movies where girls become friendswith horses Vaccines Character-driven plots Snow Apple …


Amazon Echo Devices Recalled After Continuously Recommending 2001: A Space Odyssey

Written by: Matthew Miltimore

“I’m sorry Dave, I can’t let you watch Netflix or Hulu,” said Alexa.Photo by Jack Yang Following concerns over Alexa’s constant recommendation of Stanley Kubrick’s 1968 film …