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Coastal Ecosystem Devastated After Gender-Reveal Oil Spill
BP has recently defended the Deepwater Horizon spill, calling it “ahead of its time.”Photo by Jack Yang Several miles of coastal wetland in the San Diego area …
New From the CDC: “Social Distancing Rules Still Apply, Even if You Really Really Need a Hug”
Whittman stated: “These pillows are so fluffy, I might not even go back to people after this.”Photo by Jack Yang In a recent press conference, the Center …
Local Chef Opens Dessert Chain, OnlyFlans
One dissenter said, “Who would go all the way to a store to get desserts? Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for …
Instagram Influencer Predicts the Future by Reading Makeup Smears on Face Masks
“The spirits are telling me you haven’t been following me on Instagram. Would you like my handle?” asked Welch.Photo by Stephen Lightfoot In the age of Instagram …
Molecular Gastronomist Sticks “This Machine Kills Fascists” Sticker on Nitro Foam Maker
“This dish is pretty conceptual, so I wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t understand it on the first taste,” said Tenshuss.Photo by Stephen Lightfoot Local Restaurateur Pete …
Ringing In Area Woman’s Ears Found to be Tinnitus, not Klaxons Signaling the End of Days
The doctor asked whether payment through mail was okay, to which Jiao responded, “Nothing gets through my chainmail.”Photo by Jack Yang Area woman Sabrina Jiao was shocked …
Antifa Reported In Larned, Kansas
Antifa Reported In Larned, Kansas On the 19th of September locals of the small town of Larned, Kansas reported a mysterious stranger in a fedora and …
Local Child Convinces Conservative Mother to Purchase Doom Eternal
Anderson later claimed that many of the Bible’s tragedies were times God forgot to quicksave.Photo by Jay Noonan Jeffrey Anderson, a 10-year-old resident of Del Mar, has …
Christian Man Once Again Asserts “Judeo”-Christian Values
Christian Man Once Again Asserts “Judeo”-Christian Values In an attempt to assert his faith during a discussion about the “Merry Christmas” vs. “Happy Holidays” debate, local …
Elon Musk Sells Space X after Convincing Flat Earth Video Essay
“It doesn’t matter if you disagree with me,” Musk began, “at the end of the day I’m rich and you’re not.”Photo by Sharon Roth Elon Musk announced …
