Features
These are features from the newspaper. Centerspread and Backspread can also be found in their respective pages.
The MQ Goes to “The Races”
You know how this goes: the horse races. The ol’ equine escapades. The mare-athon. The track and field for big dogs. The mosey for your posey. You get the gist. Everyone knows there are three great aspects of horse racing — the costume, the horses, and the homoerotic tension between you and your rival as the horses you both bet on are neck and neck around the bend…
The MQ Gets Left Alone
We were about to go on a trip with our family, when we were left home alone! And, before you ask, it’s not because we’re forgettable. …
Susan Bagel: Gingerbread
A ruminating Bagel, perched atop her suburban fortress, awaiting a man more substantial than the one in her hands. It’s winter, and I wake up cold. …
The MQ’s Bestiary
MQ has been beseiged by nightmares visions of beasts from far-off places, so far removed from our reality that we cannot begin to glean the truth of them, even in dreams. When we wake we can only offer a glimpse, a sketch. Can you help us connect reality to these fantastical imaginations?
The MQ Rates All the New Dishes HDH Introduced to Save Money
Under the duress of having feed all these new mouths on campus, HDH has caved into cheaper options.
OH NO! The MQ is a Scary Movie!
Will we survive? We’re getting really scared, even though we have plot armor. Wait, unless this is one of those edgy kind of horror movies where the genre-savvy characters get killed off for shock value. This movie has to be — shh. Shh!!! Did you hear that? Oh, God, please let this be a regular movie where the virgins survive.
The MQ Gets Bought Out in a Hostile Takeover
recently, we were bought out by some awesome, sweet, and superHot businEssmen! and we totally had a say in it! they’ve changed aLmost everything about our paPer in the best way possible! we’re so gratefUl for the sophiSticated new ideas they’ve added to our team! We need to CAPITALIZE on this chance.
