Articles
CAPEs Revealed To Be Elaborate Prank by Professors
After many quarters of professors promoting CAPEs as if they were direly important, a new discovery has shed some light on their real purpose. Local student …
Muir College Announces New Writing Sequence: John Muir Writing Extravaganza
Muir College Writing Program (MCWP) director Carrie Wastal recently unveiled a complete overhaul of the MCWP series. She said that the provosts from the other colleges …
Turnitin.com To Start Accepting Submissions by Fax
Starting April 2018, Turnitin.com, the popular plagiarism prevention tool used by many professors, will start accepting submissions by fax and begin shutting down the online portion …
Political Science Major Genuinely Believes He Will Become President One Day
As a candidate, Stevens is sure that he has what it takes to make it into the Oval Office. Not only did he compete in Model …
Man Awaiting Ultimate Heat Death of Universe Unimpressed by Rate of Global Warming
“Some people would say I’m a climate change denier,” Forms elaborated, “On the contrary, I consider myself a science and evidence-based man. All I’m saying is …
Government Shutdown Called “Best Thing To Occur During Trump’s First Year in Office”
One month after the government shutdown, the American population has settled in with the gravity of the situtation. The shutdown lasted a total of three days, …
Local Man Gives Love a Bad Name, Is Shot Through the Heart
Local man Liam Flynn passed away after being shot during an altercation late Friday night. After an eight-hour manhunt, police caught the suspect, Kelsey Lorraine, in …
Local Man’s Future Self Comes Back To Stop Him from Making Resolutions
Recently, La Jolla resident Emmet Martin found himself in a strange situation when a naked man appeared on his front lawn. After Martin allowed the stranger …
Trump’s Misunderstanding of the National Anthem Overshadowed by Ability To Whistle “Dixie”
Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders was put to the test earlier this month after President Trump appeared to forget significant portions of “The Star-Spangled Banner” during …
“Mona Lisa” Stolen, Replaced with Poor MS Paint Reproduction
The Louvre’s staff last week were struck by theft after realizing someone had exchanged da Vinci’s “Mona Lisa” with a digitally fabricated replica. After careful inspection, …
