Articles
Campus Squirrels Outraged After Hearing About No Nut November
Nibbles was reportedly distraught at how nuts the situation was.Photo by Jack Yang Area squirrels Nibbles and Chipper are furious after being told about the phenomenon known …
Report Finds Impossible Whopper Killed 12 People, Considered “Healthiest Burger on the Market”
One of the twelve eulogies reportedly stated: “Now they will always have it their way.”Photo by Jack Yang Pew Research has found the Impossible Whopper from Burger …
Area Mom Challenges Eminem to Wrap Battle
While Morales could wrap a gift with perfectly flush edges and a seamless tape job, she was no match for Eminem’s scathing hot rhymes.Photo by Jack Yang …
Warren Dining Hall Reopening Delayed by Raccoon Takeover
Despite concerns that the new food being served would be contaminated by rabies, various Warren students said that had always been a concern.Photo by Jack Yang The …
New Trump Healthcare Program Supplies Public With Healing Crystals
Doctors are encouraging patients to look at their prescribed crystals at least twice a day.Photo by Jack Yang In January 2020, the Trump administration will roll out …
“Distant Relative ‘Cannot BELIEVE’ How Much You’ve Grown Since Last Christmas”
After witnessing the growth of her grandnephew, Great Aunt Patty immediately went to work knitting 75 larger sweaters and cooking 32 times the original amount of …
Suburban Mother Achieves Peak Fighting Physique After Training for Black Friday
After preparing for Black Friday, Richards decided to enroll in another strength training program for Boxing Day.Photo by Jack Yang Pamela Richards, mother of four and self-proclaimed …
UCSD Announces New Solution to Student Housing Shortage: Plague
Sources report a stressed out student was heard saying, “I have a midterm tomorrow. If I get the plague, then I get the plague.”Photo by Jack Yang …
SoCal Moms Poison Trees to Capture Fall Aesthetic
Miller shared with reporters: “I have an autumn complexion, so my yard needs one too!”Photo by Jade Coniglio A local Homeowner’s Association has mandated that every …
UCSD Professor Assigns Controversial Vibe Check Instead of Midterm
Sources later confirmed that none of the answers were correct. Photo by Jack Yang Dr. Frank N. Stein of UC San Diego made waves in the …
