Articles
Soldiers Enraged as Mouse and Keyboard are Disabled for Potential WWIII
Vargas complained that disabling mouse and keyboard would ruin his “epic 89% accuracy rate.”Photo by Jack Yang On Monday, January 13, US Secretary of Defense Mark Esper …
Local Coffeeshop Announces “12 Months of Christmas” Promotion
One mall Santa commented: “I’ve never had so much job security in my life.”Photo by Sharon Roth Last week, local coffeeshop “Rise ‘n Grind” announced a new …
The New Decade Actually Starts Next Year Because There Was No Year Zero vs. Yeah, You May Be Right, but You’re Still a Nerd
Point: The New Decade Actually Starts Next Year Because There Was No Year Zero I’ve noticed something particularly erroneous in the everyday colloquialisms of my fellow …
Cats Gets Two Paws Up
Sorry, I know this movie came out a while ago, but this review took a while to write. Hopefully I end up submitting it on time. …
Australia’s Fires are Tragic but We Can All Help vs. Okay, but First Can We Stop Those Men From Wearing Shorts That are Too Short?
Point: Australia’s Fires are Tragic but We Can All Help I was so devastated to hear about the Australian fires. Just thinking about all those animals …
Look Who’s Pissing Me Off Again
It’s that time of the year again. Yes people, the biggest brains of Hollywood have come together to completely fuck over all content made by people …
President Trump Announces Plan to Leave the EU
Trump later tweeted that he was sure the US’ performance of “God Bless Texas” would win the Eurovision contest despite it not being an original song.Photo …
Local Biology Professor Loses Funding After Lab Stocked With Antibacterial Soap
Sources heard the bacteria protesters shouting: “Please, just one sneeze! We’re starving!”Photo by Jay Noonan Longtime cell biology researcher Alexander Conrad recently announced that his lab lost …
UCSD Student Proposes $300 AirPod "Earrings"
Following the release of the product, both ear infection rates and the model’s Instagram follower count reportedly skyrocketed.Photo by Sharon Roth Reports find that Apple’s wireless earbuds …
Disney Confirms Elsa is Not a Lesbian, But Sven is a Furry
Disney executives have reportedly confirmed that Elsa will be introduced to a new female “best friend roommate” for “Frozen 3.”Photo by Jack Yang Amidst rumors about Queen …
