Local Coffeeshop Announces “12 Months of Christmas” Promotion


Written by: Jay Noonan

One mall Santa commented: “I’ve never had so much job security in my life.”
Photo by Sharon Roth

Last week, local coffeeshop “Rise ‘n Grind” announced a new holiday promotion. Taking the 12 Days of Christmas promotions offered at some locations one step further, the company announced its plan to begin the “12 Months of Christmas.” Despite being February, the shop is fully decked out in green and red and full of holiday cheer, though some of the workers “seem less cheerful” according to regular customers.

One such worker, barista Sarah Angelo, made her reservations about the new celebrations known. “We finally made it through the chaos of the holidays and now the company’s thrusting us back in with no break! I mean it, the last time I had a day off was June of last year and that’s only because our AC unit broke and customers complained. This absurd new promotion means we’re going to have to be able to make all of our holiday drinks all the time. Do you know how obnoxious that’s going to get? If I have to make one more pumpkin spice latte or cranberry whatever, I’m seriously going to lose it. Don’t get me started about the Christmas music. All I want for Christmas is to hear any other damn song.”

The store made the transition to the extended holiday schedule a week ago and already reports a massive increase in business. General Manager Eric Monet gave his insight into the financial success of the move: “It’s genius really. Everyone goes crazy for seasonal drinks, so they’ve been flooding into the store. The line’s been wrapping all the way around the block basically every day. The Starbucks across the street won’t be able to compete much longer since all of their pumpkin spice fanatics are picking us instead now. We’ve had to increase hours to keep up with it all, our baristas are all putting in an extra shift of overtime every day so we can open at 3 a.m. Someone’s gotta do it, sometimes people want coffee really early. But don’t worry, we’re making it up to them. This year everyone’s Christmas bonus is a voucher for a free drip coffee — off the clock, of course. We’ve got to save the espresso for the moneybags — I mean customers.”

The mixed responses keep coming in, but other stores may soon follow their lead. Walmart and CVS have already stocked up on Christmas decorations and apparel, signaling a possible shift in the same direction. One manager was heard saying “after all, it’s never too early for Christmas, right?”

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