Opinion
Life Is Horrible, but I Have a Little Drink
I have been in a constant state of misery since September 23, 2022, after the innocent newness of Fall Quarter ceased to appeal to me and …
Tom Cruise Is the Last Gen X Babygirl
I take my coffee black with salt, carry cash, and drive a manual car. I shook hands with George Lucas once, and Al Pacino made eye …
Professional Sports Have Become Predictable
What’s the deal with sports these days? When I was a kid, there were still new narratives and new agendas being pushed. We had Michael Jordan …
How Puss in Boots Inspired Me to Try Online Dating
Heads up – this feature is from our special Cosmopolitan issue. As such, it may not come across as it was originally meant to in print. …
Werewolf Woman: The Invisibility of White Femininity
Heads up – this feature is from our special Cosmopolitan issue. As such, it may not come across as it was originally meant to in print. …
My Boyfriend Hates My Sex Playlist
Heads up – this feature is from our special Cosmopolitan issue. As such, it may not come across as it was originally meant to in print. …
People These Days Don’t Know How Hard It Is to Be an Immortal Wizard
Wizards of San Diego, I come to you all with the most horrible problem I have ever faced in my short 200 years of existence. I …
Organic Chemistry Is Made Up
I simply cannot do it anymore. I cannot suspend my belief in the way of the world and pretend that I understand what the hell an …
I Actually Started Going to the Gym on Dec. 25th, so I’m Better Than You
I hate walking into the gym on January 1. It’s full of losers who crowd the machines and probably can’t even bench the bar. Thankfully by …
I’m Finally Speaker of the House vs. You Are a Spineless Fool, Your Days are Numbered
Point: I’m Finally Speaker of the House As children, many Americans dream of being astronauts, ballerinas, or kings. However, we are a fickle nation — no …
