Opinion
I Must Return to the Real World
Beloved wizards and magicians of the greater San Diego area, it is time for me to hang up my hat and cloak in favor of the …
I Can’t Believe It’s My Last Hot Girl Summer vs Thou Shalt Have No Harvest
POINT: I Can’t Believe It’s My Last Hot Girl Summer Five years gone. They really snuck up on me. Is this really the last summer I’ll …
I Haven’t Cried in Over a Decade Because We’ve Been in a Drought
I’ve spent my entire life as a God-fearing professional onion chopper, and never in my life have I ever witnessed a drought last longer than my …
AXE Body Spray Is Vile vs As an Alpha Male, AXE Body Spray Is My Life
POINT: AXE Body Spray is Vile If you’re like me, you’ve shown up to your 9 a.m. class in Solis feeling accomplished for participating in your …
Anyone Who Has Ever Had a Drop of Alcohol Is Going Straight to Hell vs It’s Not Alcoholism if You’re in College
POINT: Anyone Who Has Ever Had a Drop of Alcohol Is Going Straight to Hell You children these days are all fools. You lot are always …
I Need Coding Help vs What, Like It’s Hard?
A person’s ability to learn a new language declines after age 12, so why am I, in my early 20s, expected to learn and become fluent …
Why I Think Leprechauns Aren’t Real
That dreaded time of year is now almost upon us. My first-grade class will soon insist on catching a leprechaun in time for St. Patrick’s Day. …
I Am the Hydro Flask That Falls in Your Lecture
I hear people have been complaining about the occasional, small, itty-bitty noise that I make when I fall in your 8 a.m. lecture (it’s not like …
We’ve Got to Do Something about This Rat Problem vs There’s No Such Thing as a ‘Rat Problem’
Folks, we’ve gotta do something about this rat problem. I used to not have a problem with the rats. They were harmless at first. Sometimes, when …
Disney Is a Striking Example of the Proliferation of Capitalism vs Fuck You, I’m Mickey Mouse
POINT: Disney Is a Striking Example of the Proliferation of Capitalism Back in my day, characters could only be owned by a company for about 14 …
