Politics
New American Diplomacy Policy Released as “Act First, Don’t Ask Questions Later, Hope No One Else Does Either”
The White House has recently released a new statement outlining future approaches to foreign policy and international affairs which, according to Press Secretary Sarah Sanders, the …
North Korea Launches Child in Duckie Floatie, Decimates American West Coast
Last Wednesday, at 8:43 GMT, North Korea successfully launched a five-year-old child from a rubber duckie pool floatie, effectively destroying the majority of Washington, Oregon, and …
Russian Social Media Site Turns Over U.S. Propaganda Ads to Russian Government
Giving in to pressure from the Kremlin, VKontakte, the most popular Russian social media site, announced that it would allow the government to access to its …
Trump Solves Opioid Problem, Won’t Share the Oxycodone
Just two weeks after the president declared the opioid crisis, a “serious problem the likes of which we have never had,” Trump commissioned the U.S. Attorney’s …
Climate Change Denier Asked for Proof, Points to Rainbow
Area environmental scientists asked Matthew Baker, a local climate change denier and activist, for proof during a debate on the existence of climate change and humanity’s …
FBI Begins New Director Selection Process Inspired by Shark Tank
On May 9, President Trump made the controversial decision to fire FBI Director James Comey, who had initiated an investigation on the extent of Russian involvement …
Mexican Workers Imported by Trump to Build the Wall Flee Across the Country
To the surprise of many Americans, President Trump has recently allowed 3,000 Mexican workers into the United States to fulfill his campaign promise to build a …
Local Comedian Sure This Joke Will Make Trump Resign
Local stand-up comedian Ashley Morrison wrote a new joke last Friday, which sources say is sure to force Trump to resign. Sources claimed that the joke …
Spicer Reveals T.V. to Be Just Two Interns With Sock Puppets
An anonymous White House spokesperson for the White House spokesperson revealed to the media this week that the television in the office of U.S. Press Secretary …
Area Woman Petitions for Overseas Siblings to Become U.S. Citizens, Excited to Reunite in Two Decades
San Diego resident Minda Bennett recently completed the process for petitioning her two older siblings, Jose and Mellie Edualino, to join her in the U.S. Given …
