News
Scientists Finally Demolish the Greenhouse that Has Been Causing Global Warming
In a sudden reversal, environmental scientists have declared that global warming will in fact stop by the year 2022, thanks to the efforts of the environmental …
Ecological Survey Sheds Light on Uncharted Depths of SIO
Scripps Institute of Oceanography is one of the oldest and most important parts of UCSD. Yet despite the close relationship UCSD shares with Scripps, there is …
Population Embarks on Operant Conditioning of Government
In a new Gallup poll, a majority of Americans have admitted to being part of a large grassroots effort to try to train the government to …
Recess Canceled After Polarizing Mud-Slinging Fight
Vernon Elementary School recess was halted abruptly this Tuesday, and is suspended until further notice, after a series of impassioned outbursts and an extensive mud fight …
Out-of-State Student’s Fish Dies Just in Time for Summer Break
Local betta fish, Jason Sparklefin, was found dead late Monday night at the age of eight months, due to reported malnutrition. His death was confirmed Tuesday …
Researchers Find that Title of Children’s Book is Barinsten Baers, Society Crumbles
In a shocking development this past Friday, scientists from the University of Virginia have revealed an extensive amount of research that proves that the popular children’s …
Aspiring Achievers Cofounder Falls Short of Clinching Treasurer Position in Club Elections
Third year undergraduate Jane Footick stormed out of Aspiring Achievers’ third GBM of spring quarter where, despite her significant prior sacrifices that brought the organization to …
Norwegian Prison Modeled After California University
As a new experimental part of Norway’s systematic prison reform, an inquiry into modeling future prisons after many California universities has been initiated. This reform is …
Reading, England Discovered to be Where Reading Was Invented
British historian Donald Wobbley has uncovered evidence that reading was first invented in Reading, England around 2200 BCE. Since 1927, it has been widely known that …
Lin-Manuel Miranda Wins Nobel Prize, Puerto Rican Gubernatorial Office
Lin-Manuel Miranda, “Hamilton” playwright and star, has won both a Nobel Prize and the office of Governor of Puerto Rico last Tuesday, in addition to being …
