Local
The Weeknd Delivers an Astonishing Allegory of Society via Super Bowl Halftime Show
A particularly philosophical commenter said, “One must imagine the Weeknd happy.”Photo by Jack Yang Grammy award-winning Canadian singer The Weeknd has been praised recently for his thought-provoking …
UCSD Student Discovers Great Tits, Ornithologists Baffled
Buns hid his woodpecker at the sight of Great Tits.Photo by Sharon Roth Passing by a group of female students on his way to throw out the …
Gamers Find They Are Bisexual After Playing “Hades”
Ralphie Zabaria said, “If I’m going to hell, good.”Photo by Jack Yang A sharp spike in self-reported bisexuality has occurred in the United States following the release …
Medieval Times To Open Offshoot Branch Based on Roaring Twenties
A promotional offer reads: “If you subscribe to Medieval Times’ email list, we’ll send you chain mail!”Photo by Maria Dhilla Medieval Times CEO Kenneth Kim recently announced …
Vending Machine Mixup Has COVID Tests Replaced With Dildos
“Ask not what your university can dildo for you, ask what you can dildo to yourself,” posed Sterbater.Photo by Jack Yang Chaos erupted last Monday evening at …
Discord Mods Confused About New Kitten Adoption Agency
“I hate that I actually know what a catgirl is now,” remarked Ahmed.Photo by Sharon Roth The local humane society has just opened up a newly added …
Popular Magician Questioned in Wife’s Disappearance
“They’ll find the body before that two-bit magician can say, ‘Abra cadaver!’” claimed Tellor.Photo by Maria Dhilla Daniel Siegfried, more commonly known by his stage name, Dynamic …
Local Women Gets New World Record on New Year’s Resolution “Any%” Speedrun
Goodman said that she found a way to “clip into the kitchen” after demolishing the wall between it and the adjacent room.Photo by Sharon Roth When a …
Spectrum Redefines Limits of Acceptable Service
“I’d send a strongly worded email,” said Ngo, “but my router won’t stop catching on fire.”Photo by Maria Dhilla The ongoing COVID-19 pandemic has dealt harsh blows …
The Grinch Reoffends, Prison Sentence Grows Three Sizes That Day
The Grinch’s lawyer insisted they addressed the elephant in the room — Horton.Photo by Maria Dhilla Last Tuesday, the Grinch, notably regarded as “a furry green humbug,” …
