Campus
Toxic Workplace Environments Perfect for Crop Growth
The phrase “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” was found to be one of the most reliable fertilizers.Photo by Jordan Whitlow After world hunger was solved during Summer Session II, the …
Sunshine Market Maximizes Convenience by Abolishing the Illusion of Choice
“I tried to take the bell pepper out of my basket, and three store employees tackled me,” said shopper Anne Flaxis. “I’m allergic!”Photo by Liv Gilbert …
UC Regents Bans Students from Campuses
“ ,” said .Photo by Farhad Taraporevala In response to the numerous student protests that have heavily impacted the University of California system, the Regents of …
UCSD to Ban Witch Trials
“I hope this isn’t just a complicated spell the witches are casting,” said one student as they watched a pile of torches and pitchforks burn.Photo by …
UCSD to Acquire UTC
“Finally, another place I can spend this useless currency,” said third-year student Darlene Davidson.Photo by Liv Gilbert I n a sudden announcement affecting students, faculty, and …
Peaceful Protest Declared Unlawful
“Above all, UC San Diego prides itself on nurturing the health and well-being of our grass,” said Chancellor Khosla.Photo by Liv Gilbert On May 6, Chancellor …
Race Tightens for Annual Vanity Giving Contest
“Putting my name on buildings is basically retail therapy,” said Irwin Jacobs.Photo by Amit Roth Tense negotiations are underway regarding the naming rights for UC San …
UC San Diego School of Medicine to Teach ‘Intro to Victim Blaming’
“There’s a shortage of doctors in this country. This course will ensure an equivalent shortage of patients,” said Dr. Quickity Quack.Photo by Amit Roth and Farhad …
UCSD Purchases Fleet of Invisible Buses
“I finally learned what the inside of a black hole looks like,” said Katherine Cambpell. “I was rather disappointed to find out it was just a …
HDH Changes Menu Following FDA Crackdown
“I still get food poisoning, but now I know exactly why,” said one student.Photo by Kai Nguyen The Triton2Go Mobile Order app has long been a …
