Birch Aquarium to Partner with HDH to Recoup Losses During Renovation

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Written by: Christopher Felix

“Some of these fish will kill you, but so would some other dining hall food,” said
Foodworx employee Jade Diaz.
Photo by Erica Rosslee

This month, Birch Aquarium announced that it will be partnering with HDH to serve seafood at UC San Diego dining halls in an attempt to save money during renovations. Due to the construction occurring in the “Hall of Fish” wing of the aquarium, many species have been displaced from their usual habitats, and the aquarium is reportedly running out of accommodations for said animals.

“It really just seemed like a no-brainer,” said head aquarist Arnold Piscis. “It came to me one day as I was watching a documentary about ocean food chains. I remembered that fish are actually edible, rather than just being cool to look at, and that got me thinking. Once I made that connection, all it took was just a quick call to my guys at HDH, and we got it set right up.”

The details of the partnership reportedly includes the opening of a seafood restaurant on site, as well as an agreement to source all fish products from the aquarium itself. The restaurant, set to be named “Chateau Birch,” will reportedly serve dishes such as eel, sardine, and “mystery fish” which insiders have confirmed will consist of “whatever fish didn’t make it last week.”

“It’s a damned shame we’ve gotta do all this,” said one aquarist who preferred to remain anonymous. “There oughta be a better way. I mean, look. I get it. We gotta make money somehow. And I was on board initially. But after I saw my favorite sheepshead cooked up right in front of me, I started having second thoughts.”

Others, however, do not share the same reservations. “This is awesome,” said one guest, Eric Anguillae. “I’ve always hated those fucking eels. Watching them fry up on a platter right in front of me is better than sex. I hate those assholes. Try looking at me with your despicable milky eyes now, assholes!”

In addition, Chateau Birch has announced that visitors will be able to request specific fish from the aquarium to eat at an additional cost. The menu item, called “Your Fishy Favorite,” allows guests to enter the aquarium, pick out the “most delicious-looking sea creature,” and have it served to them within the hour.

“We’re all about providing our guests with unique and exciting experiences here at Birch,” said Birch Aquarium publicist Penelope Phishinos. “With this innovative tank-to-plate dining opportunity, our visitors will be able to expand the horizons of what’s possible to eat at an aquarium.”

Aquarium officials deny the allegations that this program was devised as a way to recoup losses due to fish dying as a result of the relocations and renovations.

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