“HDH is really covering all their bases with this allergen stuff,” said Shelly Fisher. “They’re even making all their silverware out of nickel!”
Photo by Dylan Schmidt
In the face of student complaints about accessing foods free of allergens, Housing, Dining & Hospitality has announced that starting January 2, 2025, allergens will no longer be marked on dining hall menus, and students will no longer be able to see the nutrition facts for meals. To further obfuscate what allergens are present, markets will black out ingredient lists on items that they sell. HDH spokesperson Coco Nutt said, “For too long, we have tried to meet students’ needs. But their needs are too much for our budget, so suck it, losers!”
HDH’s former efforts to be more inclusive to students with allergies included free meetings with a dietitian who would create lists of foods that could be safely eaten on campus, as well as refer students to resources that provided access to allergen-free meals. The new and updated HDH guidelines state that dietitians are to inform students that all foods are safe, and to say that adverse side effects are “just food poisoning.” UC San Diego Health has confirmed that their protocols have been revised so that anaphylactic shock is now considered a symptom of food poisoning. Other changes include that special meals will no longer be prepared at HDH dining halls. Students who no longer have their needs met due to this change will receive one free Epi-Pen if they are covered by UC SHIP; those without the school’s insurance plan will instead receive a $10 tuition stipend per year.
Second-year abstract integers major Celia Cay voiced opposition to the change. “It’s too late for us to change our dining plans, so I’m stuck with thousands of dollars I can only use for food that’s going to kill me slowly by destroying my intestines?! I thought food was a human right!” Cay and several others handed out flyers for a planned protest with the slogan “No Nuts for Life, Not Just November.” Fourth-year political arts major Abe L. Boddy said, “Honestly, I don’t really get what Celia’s doing — vegans have always been able to be virgins. That aside, I don’t get the fuss about ‘safe food’ but I’m all for abstinence as a birth control method.”
Students described the trial of the new policies that were rolled out to Sixth Market. “I noticed all the beverages were in identical containers labeled ‘MILK’ in Sharpie,” said first-year ethical engineering student Shelly Fisher. “How am I supposed to figure out what I’m getting? Do I have to taste-test them?” A source who chose to remain anonymous reported that student Manny Goh had already done so earlier that day: “As his throat began to swell up, he choked out, ‘This is almond,’ before being rushed to an off-campus ER.”
When Nutt was asked for an official response to the outcry from students with food allergies, she said, “You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit.” When told that student protesters were arguing that HDH’s actions amounted to violations of the ADA, she shrugged and remarked, “We’ve been ignoring that for years and nobody’s sued us for it yet — wait, this is being recorded?”
