Stephen Lightfoot
Out of Basic Necessities? Shoot Your Greedy Neighbors.
I think it’s fair to say that life has been a little bit hectic these days. With the shelter-in-place orders still in full effect, people have …
If I Need to Die for the Economy, then Kill Me Goddammit vs. Dad, How Did You Escape the Nursing Home?
Point: If I Need to Die for the Economy, then Kill Me Goddammit Gather around everyone, it’s time for a family meeting. Hey, why is everyone …
Gamers Encouraged to Vote with “Primary Ballot Any-Percent” Speedruns
Counting issues were later reported due to people clipping through the wrong parts of the ballot.Photo by Jack Yang With voter turnout expected to be extremely high …
Method Actor Revealed to be Crippling Alcoholic Revealed to be Method Actor
Fellow actors claim Dunne is still not over his gambling addiction from “Guys and Dolls.”Photo by Sharon Roth Local San Diegan method actor was recently found …
Life Revealed to be an Elaborate Game of Mad Libs Played by the Gods
“Oh, this ought to be a good one,” said Tian Gong, looking at the line: “Jesus was __ (Race).”Photo by Jack Yang In a booming announcement from …
New Leaked Brexit Document Reveals Plan for US to Annex United Kingdom, Secede Florida to EU
The British were reportedly confused about why there was sweet tea in their harbor.Photo by Silver Wallace The United Kingdom is set to leave the European Union …
“Distant Relative ‘Cannot BELIEVE’ How Much You’ve Grown Since Last Christmas”
After witnessing the growth of her grandnephew, Great Aunt Patty immediately went to work knitting 75 larger sweaters and cooking 32 times the original amount of …
Local Mall Santa Claims it is Impossible to Have One Ho, Must Have Three
Local Mall Santa Claims it is Impossible to Have One Ho, Must Have Three After showing up to work two and a half hours late with …
Outcry After Plant Workers Forced to Listen to “Work B**ch” on Repeat
Outcry After Plant Workers Forced to Listen to “Work B**ch” on Repeat Public uproar rocked the internet this past Friday as a controversial video taken from …
Study Fails to Find Evidence That Succulents Add Personality to Dorm Rooms
The companion study researching whether adding a human to a garden of succulents gave it personality was inconclusive.Photo by Jack Yang First-years across the world were …
