New Leaked Brexit Document Reveals Plan for US to Annex United Kingdom, Secede Florida to EU

Written by: Stephen Lightfoot

The British were reportedly confused about why there was sweet tea in their harbor.
Photo by Silver Wallace

The United Kingdom is set to leave the European Union on the 31 of January — and a dramatic new report leaked this Tuesday has given the public a first look at exactly what the foreign policy of the UK will be post-Brexit. According to the leak, The UK has agreed to be annexed by the United States immediately following a no-deal Brexit, or if a deal is agreed to, at the end of the transition period out of the EU. In order to strengthen economic, political, and military ties with the US, the UK has also agreed to physically relocate the country, taking Florida’s geographic space within the US. Similarly, Florida will also be physically relocated to the UK’s former spot in the North Sea. Negotiations were also reportedly underway to secede and physically relocate Guam and Puerto Rico, in order to “fill up the hole” left by Northern Ireland.

British Prime Minister Boris Johnson has long promised a comprehensive trade deal with the US after the UK’s departure from the EU, and after the leak of these documents, stated that this was just the next step in the UK’s negotiations. “Though it is unfortunate that aspects of our deal have leaked, my ministers and I believe that this trade deal is essential to establishing the UK’s role as a world leader by closely aligning ourselves with champions for freedom, peace, and prosperity.” However, not everyone has shared Boris Johnson’s optimism. Jeremy Corbyn, the leader of Labour Party, voiced his displeasure in an interview with Channel 4, saying “While the United States is certainly a close ally, we must not forget about Europe, who has continually been our largest trading partner and military ally for decades. To run off and quite literally abandon them is not what the British people voted for back in the 2016 referendum.” However, many detractors were quick to note that the referendum question asked if the UK “wanted to remain a member of the European Union or leave the European Union?” which “technically” left room for the UK to physically leave the European Union.

Public opinion of the leaked trade deal has been mixed on both sides of the pond. Lindsay Davies, a Londoner, emphasized her displeasure and fatigue: “On one hand, I think it’s stupid to have aircraft carriers lift the country up and carry it across the Atlantic Ocean, and I think it’s even stupider that I won’t be able to holiday in Spain without spending a fortune. But on the other hand, I hear that Florida is pretty nice in terms of weather, with the exception of the hurricanes.” Ted Williams, a local resident in Jacksonville, however, was happy with the leaks. “I’ve been saying for the longest time that the UK should just get Brexit done. I may not be a British national, but I’ve seen what people are saying on the TV, and I’m happy to help participate in such a big international event. Plus, who wouldn’t wanna be closer to Europe? Europeans love Americans, right?”

Many EU member states have been fairly silent on the joint UK-US trade deal, given the fact that many are uncertain the deal will become official, and with Brexit – anything is liable to happen. However, Jean-Claude Juncker, the President of the European Commission, sent out a tweet which read, “I have reviewed the document for a trade deal between the UK and USA. Culturally, I anticipate there to be little change within the EU — Floridians are essentially just what happens when you give a British person an alligator.”

Editor in Chief Emeritus at The MQ

Stephen Lightfoot is Editor in Chief of The MQ.

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