Dan Kaliblotzky
Someone, Please Eat My Hasselback Potatoes
I am stupefied. I just took a tray of Hasselback potatoes out of the oven, and for what? Am I about to eat multiple baked potatoes …
Political Science Class Constructs Left-leaning Tower of Piazza
Political Science Class Constructs Left-leaning Tower of Piazza A Piazza forum formed by students of POLI 104A to discuss class materials has recently been identified to …
Local Woman Rage Quits Over Van Incident
Local Woman Rage Quits Over Van Incident This past weekend, local congresswoman Chessy Bengal held a rally for the upcoming election in hopes to secure a …
Molecular Gastronomist Sticks “This Machine Kills Fascists” Sticker on Nitro Foam Maker
“This dish is pretty conceptual, so I wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t understand it on the first taste,” said Tenshuss.Photo by Stephen Lightfoot Local Restaurateur Pete …
Spider Ready to Make Giant Web in Your Living Room Disappointed Your Family Didn’t Go on Vacation This Summer
“Uh … let me be clear,” said Barachnid Obama, “We need to get this family out.”Photo by Jack Yang Local spider Barachnid Obama, in a recent “Charlotte’s …
Republican Party Thrown Without Safety Measures, Several Students Expelled
Republican Party Thrown Without Safety Measures, Several Students Expelled Several COVID cases have recently been traced to a party thrown by UCSD College Republicans, leading to …
Goop Releases “Raiding Mom’s Medicine Cabinet” Line of Vitamins
Goop Releases “Raiding Mom’s Medicine Cabinet” Line of Vitamins Gwyneth Paltrow’s wellness brand Goop has recently revealed a new series of vitamin supplements. The collection is …
Animal Crossing: New Horizons to Include Gentrification
Isabelle also offers the option of forcing villagers to stop speaking their dialect of Animalese if the player deems it “unprofessional.”Photo by Dan Kaliblotzky Nintendo has …
Child Politician Criticized for Inconsistency After Position on Favorite Color Changes
Wilson responded to critics: “What can I say? I don’t see color.”Photo by Jack Yang Five year-old politician Desmond Wilson recently stated that his favorite color is …
Rich Student Has Mother Visit Every Weekend to do His Money Laundering
Rich Student Has Mother Visit Every Weekend to do His Money Laundering UCSD first year Alexander Washington recently told his suitemates that his mother frequently travels …
