Written by: Farhad Taraporevala

With an atmospheric river bringing torrential rainstorms to the San Diego area, the Air Force scrambled into action, launching a mission to divert its flow. Air Force Brigadier General Iphleye Desplanez explained, “In order to save San Diego from the devastating effects of 1.15 inches of rainfall, we established Operation Desert Storm Stopper, bombing the atmospheric river with sandbags in order to absorb all the moisture out of the air before the storm can hit California.”

Operation Desert Storm Stopper has been a success, with no rainfall hitting San Diego in the two weeks since it started. However, some residents have raised concerns about the Air Force’s actions. “Did they have to take all that sand from the beach where I surf?” said San Diego resident Izurf Dawaves. “Not to mention, one of my buddies got hit by a rogue sandbag. He hasn’t been the same since.”

In response to local outcry over the beachfront destruction, the Air Force has commenced the second phase of the operation. “We realize that getting rid of rain at the price of our beaches is unacceptable,” said Desplanez. “To mitigate these effects, we are shipping sand south from Oregon and Washington’s beaches to San Diego. It’s not like they can even use their beaches, so we aren’t doing any damage!”

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