Volume 29
Italy Elects Mussolini’s Reanimated Corpse as Prime Minister
Last week, Giorgia Meloni, who was expected to become Italy’s first female prime minister, stepped down as head of the Brothers of Italy Party. Meloni made …
Ninth College Construction Hits Rock Bottom
“Yeah, there were a few preventable issues,” admitted one engineer. “We probably should’ve done a dry run first.”Photo by Sharon Roth UC San Diego students who …
Competitive Eating Is Good for the Economy
I am an American hero. I am the one who keeps local businesses afloat during COVID-19, who provides the money to put kids through school, who …
Top Ten Bumper Stickers
Arrgh, baby overboard! Hey, my eyes are up here! This machine kills fascists Proud leaded gas user Keep Tahoe out of California Booze Cruise Champion 2008 …
Top Ten Things Your Orientation Leader Forgot to Mention
The gravity doesn’t work in York Hall UCSD is the Harvard of the West Refilling the Brita filter is a sign of weakness Our dining halls …
Newton’s Long-lost Fourth Law Revolutionizes Physics
Last Saturday, a janitor was cleaning out a closet and stumbled into a hidden chamber at Trinity College in Cambridge, England. Inside the chamber was an …
UCSD to Remove All Grass on Campus for the Construction of Ninth College
As the construction of its Eighth College nears completion, UC San Diego’s administration has announced a plan for the university’s ninth college, Ninth College. “We needed …
Elon Musk Declares Himself “Techno-Emperor of the Universe”
Elon Musk Declares Himself “Techno-Emperor of the Universe” Musk made the announcement on Twitter this morning, where he also said that he has “already been forcing …
Student Shocked to Discover Pete Davidson is Now Dating Her Mother
“He has so many tattoos, I feel like it would be more special if he didn’t get one of my name,” said Jennifer Dong.Photo by James …
Mercedes Launches New Brake Line Subscription Service
“And I thought my car was crazy for making me pay for a gas subscription,” said Shapoor Laliwalla.Photo by Sharon Roth Last Thursday, Mercedes-Benz announced a …
