Volume 28
Agricultural Revolution Erupts from Horse Dewormer Shortage
“We are not horsing around,” claimed Susie McCue’s neighbor.Photo by Maria Dhilla Ivermectin and other horse-related medications have long been out of stock following claims made by …
Acronym Creator Missing in Action
Acronym Creator Missing in Action Emmaline Young, Doctor of Philosophy, was recently reported Missing in Action as of Thursday, 10:39 ante meridiem. Last seen getting a …
The MQ Predicts Your Future
Class suggestions, Dream Interpretations, and more!
UCSD Spam Quarantine Email Name to be Changed “Out of Respect” for Past Events
“Any student who mentions the email will be put in isolation for 40 days,” threatened Khosla.Photo by Robin Brewin This past Saturday, a private meeting to …
Blue’s Clues Detective Business Fails
Blue’s Clues Detective Business Fails It’s been 19 years since Blues Clues’ Steve went off to college, and is now announcing a new private detective business. …
Local Gamer Releases Manifesto on Video Game Monetization
One commenter wrote, “They need to make the Minecraft boobs not square anymore.”Photo by Jack Yang Early last week, local San Diego gamer Huey D. Louie released …
UC Campuses Criminalize USB Drives to Combat Illicit Black Market Dealing
UC Campuses Criminalize USB Drives to Combat Illicit Black Market Dealing Pandemonium swept across campus last Wednesday following the announcement prohibiting the possession of USB drives …
UCSD Turns Class Selection Process Into a Gacha Game
“It’s like this thing is rigged so that I don’t get what I want,” complained one student.Photo by Jack Yang In an effort to make the class …
Pro Unreal Tournament Player Reflects on 9/11
Pro Unreal Tournament Player Reflects on 9/11 Jerry Stern, former professional player of the Unreal Tournament titles, has reflected on the events that took place during …
The MQ Commits the Perfect Crime
STEPS FOR THE PERFECT CRIME Step 1. Wake up, fresh faced, ready to take on the morningStep 2. Put on a cute, but comfortable outfit!Step 3. …
