Volume 27 Issue 5

Sunday Comics

Kraft Singles Ad

Written by: Sharon Roth

A last-ditch effort to get lonely folks to buy more kraft singles. Has American capitalism gone too far?

ArticlesOpinionPoint - Counter Point

You’ll Never Get Ahold of Me Lucky Charms! vs. Sir, If We Don’t Operate These Kidney Stones Could Kill You.

Written by: Matthew Miltimore

Point: You’ll Never Get Ahold of Me Lucky Charms! By Lucky The White Whale of Leprechauns Oh ya sneaky little bastards think you’ve gotten to me …

Sunday Comics

Murder Mystery

Written by: Maria Dhilla

This is the result of reading 20+ mystery novels.

Skyboxes

Local Cat Has Already Lost Eight Lives

Written by: The MQ

He’s not gonna be losing the last one to you

ArticlesCampusLocalNews

UCSD Student Discovers Great Tits, Ornithologists Baffled

Written by: Lily Everheart

Buns hid his woodpecker at the sight of Great Tits.Photo by Sharon Roth Passing by a group of female students on his way to throw out the …

ArticlesCampusNews

Problems Local Student Has Had for Four Years Blamed on “Senioritis”

Written by: Dexter Hamilton

“I guess time really does fly by when you do nothing but witness the unending monotony of life,” said Chou.Photo by Sharon Roth Fourth year student Devin …

Uncategorized

Missed Quonections

Written by: The MQ

ArticlesTech

Daft Punk Self-Destruction in Desert Leads to Robot Strike

Written by: Andrew Sitko

Upon hearing the news, the Hubble Space Telescope proclaimed, “I can’t believe my optical processors!”Photo by Maria Dhilla The two robots from the hit music duo, Daft …

ArticlesCampusNews

UCSD Builds New Student Parking Lot in Juneau, Alaska

Written by: Yuri Bukhradze

“I can see the Russian studies department from here,” said one student.Photo by Maria Dhilla In an effort to address the lack of proper student parking on …

Uncategorized

Top Ten Ways to Avoid Zoom Calls

Written by: The MQ

Top Ten Ways to Avoid Zoom Calls Become a vampire and claim the host never invited you Cultivate an image of yourself as a person who …