Volume 25 Issue 5
LaCroix CEO Decides to Add Actual Flavor to Product
National Beverage Corporation, producer of “vaguely fruit-flavored” LaCroix seltzer water, faces new challenges following the release of a report last Thursday revealing a 39 percent drop …
Canyon Vista Dining Hall to Close After Health Inspection
UC San Diego Housing, Dining and Hospitality (HDH) announced Tuesday that the Canyon Vista dining hall will close on March 23 after failing its first outside …
Leprechaun’s “Pot of gold” discovered to be new strain of weed
A group of leprechaun hunters recently stumbled upon a new strain of marijuana while attempting to find a pot of gold at the end of a …
Trump Space Force Returns From Reconnaissance Mission, Reveals That Space Is “Just Like Halo”
A recon team from the Trump administration’s Space Force sent to explore the universe in mid-2018 has finally returned from their mission outside the solar system. …
New Hotel “The Last Resort” Disappoints
Dear faithful readers, nothing’s alright. Nothing is fine. I can’t go on living this way. This last weekend has really tested me. Downward spiral. Where do …
