Volume 24
Local Woman Saves Trash for Art Project She Will Use “Later”
Local woman Sarah Plehra was spotted Saturday picking up some trash. She claims she is “going to be able to use it in an art project.” …
U.S. Children Secede, Form Gun-Free Country
This month, former U.S. citizens under the age of 18 established a gun-free country called Kidonia in response to decades of inaction over school shootings. “We …
Chick-fil-A Launches New Campaign of Human Sacrifice, Profits Remain Unchanged
In what many consumers considered a distasteful choice, Chick-fil-A has recently launched a new campaign: for every 100 chicken sandwiches sold, the company will donate $1 …
Elon Musk Unveils All-Electric Attack Helicopter
Following the success of the Roadsters, Tesla’s line of all-electric luxury cars, Tesla CEO and co-founder Elon Musk announced on Thursday the company’s “logical next step” …
Local Astrologists Find Geminis to Be More Dangerous Than Previously Thought
Late last week, local Astrologist Tammy Cusp completed her life’s work when she published a report documenting the findings of her research concluding that Geminis are …
Confused Woman Accidentally Drives to Eighth Floor of Geisel Library
This past Tuesday, construction workers entering the eighth floor of Geisel Library received a shock upon finding a red 2002 Chevrolet Cavalier sedan amongst the bookshelves. …
