Volume 24
New HILD Series to Cover Long Forgotten Holiday Thanksgiving
The UC San Diego History Department unveiled a new lecture series on the history and celebration of Thanksgiving available starting this Winter quarter. The new lecture …
Santa Protests Increasingly Early Christmas Celebration, Possibly Communist
As the holiday season approaches, there have been some protests from the North Pole. Elves feel as if they are being overwhelmed with Christmas wish lists …
UCSD Restructures Parking System, Now Offering “Go Fuck Yourself” Permits
UC San Diego Transportation Services recently announced a change to the permit system in an effort to address some of the problems with the current structure. …
Smart Projector’s Insecurities Manifest, “Why Does Everyone Else Have Malware?”
Engineers at Pesarch Technologies have fallen victim to a controversy which has been described as what Pesarch CEO Lans Priceton calls “A big mistake.” In an …
Protests in Charlottesville on Black Friday, White Nationalists Upset with Name
On November 24, approximately 200 white nationalists and members of the alt-right gathered in Charlottesville, Virginia’s Emancipation Park to protest Black Friday’s nomenclature. Charlottesville police were …
US-Mexico Border Patrol to Be Equipped with Bazookas, Consolatory Mints
Starting next week, all southern Border Patrol units are to be equipped with new supplies and protocols, including new uniforms reminiscent of those in early 2000’s …
UCSD Ranked Second Among Universities that Look Like a Shoe From Aerial View
US News has ranked UCSD second among universities that look like a shoe if viewed from a helicopter. This continues UCSD’s legacy of receiving high rankings …
Top Ten Similarities Between Your Funeral and Your Wedding
“I’m just here for the open bar” There’s always that one jealous friend who one-ups you and announces theirs in a few months It feels like …
Top Ten Reasons You Should Always Carry an Incredibly Sharp Pair of Scissors
Top Ten Reasons You Should Always Carry an Incredibly Sharp Pair of Scissors Swallowing swords has gotten way too easy for you Taking your shirt off …
Top Ten Reasons You’re Not Wearing Pants
They clash with your underwear You didn’t have any cash, and the only other currency that that goblin took was denim You’re a magician and you …
