30.5
Simon Cowell Judges Middle School Talent Show
This past weekend, the students of Simon Cowell Middle School received a surprise visit from their namesake, along with his camera crew and production team. The …
Department of Music Announces New Concert Series
In a bid to diversify the musical offerings of the Department of Music, Director Jenny P. Orridge has introduced a new series of concerts titled “Dive …
Student with ‘Infectious Respiratory Pink eye’ reportedly Studying at Geisel
In a developing story this week, student Whoopi Ngcough was reported by one bystander to sound like she was “literally coughing up, like, chunks” as she …
CIA ‘Operation Dirty Talk’ Uncovered
Leaked internal CIA documents have shed light on Operation Dirty Talk, an ongoing joint venture with phone sex call center Masturline aimed at extracting secrets from …
Ursa Missing: The Case of the Stolen Statue
Hello, reader. I know my reputation as a world-famous literary detective precedes me. But, I will condescend to say that this week, I, Detective Sebastian Stone, …
The MQ’s Spring Break
We know how you feel after Winter Quarter — destroyed, defeated, and delirious. We only have 168 hours to feel better before Spring Quarter starts, so …
Coca-Cola Unveils New Ad Campaign to Kill the Polar Bears
“Be the climate change you want to see in the world,” said Chief Marketing Officer Klymat Chang.Photo by Amit Roth Beverage giant Coca-Cola announced in a …
