Simon Cowell Judges Middle School Talent Show

Written by: Justin Xu

This past weekend, the students of Simon Cowell Middle School received a surprise visit from their namesake, along with his camera crew and production team. The …


Department of Music Announces New Concert Series

Written by: Sylvia Terry

In a bid to diversify the musical offerings of the Department of Music, Director Jenny P. Orridge has introduced a new series of concerts titled “Dive …


Student with ‘Infectious Respiratory Pink eye’ reportedly Studying at Geisel

Written by: Theo Erickson

In a developing story this week, student Whoopi Ngcough was reported by one bystander to sound like she was “literally coughing up, like, chunks” as she …


CIA ‘Operation Dirty Talk’ Uncovered

Written by: Alberto Ruiz

Leaked internal CIA documents have shed light on Operation Dirty Talk, an ongoing joint venture with phone sex call center Masturline aimed at extracting secrets from …

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The MQ Catches a Leprechaun

Written by: The MQ

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Ursa Missing: The Case of the Stolen Statue

Written by: The MQ

Hello, reader. I know my reputation as a world-famous literary detective precedes me. But, I will condescend to say that this week, I, Detective Sebastian Stone, …

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The MQ’s Spring Break

Written by: The MQ

We know how you feel after Winter Quarter — destroyed, defeated, and delirious. We only have 168 hours to feel better before Spring Quarter starts, so …


Coca-Cola Unveils New Ad Campaign to Kill the Polar Bears

Written by: Kaz Nuckowski

“Be the climate change you want to see in the world,” said Chief Marketing Officer Klymat Chang.Photo by Amit Roth Beverage giant Coca-Cola announced in a …

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Word Search for Inner Truth

Written by: The MQ


HDH Enacts Quarterly Speed Dating Trials

Written by: Sydney Alexander

“The incessant buzzing of the fluorescent lights really sets the mood,” said one student.Photo by James Woolley For the past two quarters, UC San Diego Housing, …