Paul Marshall, a Warren College senior, was diagnosed as blind Thursday at Scripps Hospital after his eyes rolled irreversibly far back into his skull. Marshall was …

After being missing for a whole week, local computer science student Alan Bergeron was discovered in what computer science majors call the “CS Dungeon.” After searching …

A report released by the UCSD Police Department linked a “dramatic rise” in student assassinations to long class waitlists. The report was released three weeks after …

Archeologists reported that they have made an important discovery in UCSD’s Warren College: an ancient building they claim was used to study “Literature.” The term refers …

Citing a need to “appear more friendly” and avoid “legacy issues,” Ted Cruz announced his legal name change to TritonEd Cruz days before the Iowa Caucus. …

UCSD continued its transition from using popular Blackboard clone TED to TritonEd, solving a problem which officials insist “once existed and now does not.” The transition, …

Rufus Dunmore and Elliot Sinclair, mountainous figures in Professor Glenmore’s EDS 138 class, squared off in class during a discussion. Their voices, charged with the confidence …

Last Wednesday, ERC sophomore Dylan Biggs was surprised and delighted to find a piece of plastic within his Chicken Noodle Soup while eating at Cafe Ventanas. …

After a campus wide Internet shortage, ResNet promised to address all complaints by installing state-of-the-art dial-up modems. “This is a serious problem, despite what anyone would …

Recent feedback on the rucksack sex act reveals the sad sack fallback is a drawback. Once popular in the time of smokestacks and railroad tracks, the …