Articles
Convict Escapes from Prison by Completing Sentence
“He walked by the cop and the cop didn’t arrest him,” said local man Hale Mather. “Defund the police.”Photo by Amit Roth Recently, a wave of …
It’s Paranormal, Not Parasocial
I have been getting a lot of rude and judgmental comments from the other townspeople that I really don’t appreciate, so I would just like to …
UCSD Student Uses School Health Insurance
“I’m really glad people are finally starting to use our resources!” said UC Health oozeologist Alexander Dribble. “We’ve seen an ∞% increase from zero to one …
Birch Aquarium to Partner with HDH to Recoup Losses During Renovation
“Some of these fish will kill you, but so would some other dining hall food,” saidFoodworx employee Jade Diaz.Photo by Erica Rosslee This month, Birch Aquarium …
The Internet Has Made Me a Better Person
People can be complicated. How is it that every time I go on TikTok I can’t avoid some random content creator who I’ve never heard of …
Marines Vow to ‘Do Better,’ Apologize to San Diego Community
“Don’t worry, I’m not just teaching the kids the alphabet,” said Sergeant Major Major. “They’re also learning how to liberate oil.”Photo by Jordan Whitlow Last Wednesday, …
UCSD To Be Sold to Satan
“Damn it… or is that too soon?” one student asked.Photo by Jordan Whitlow Since becoming the subject of much controversy after his alleged mishandling of the …
Cure for Cancer Discovered, Deemed ‘Unprofitable’
“Why don’t you tell the Make-A-Wish kids why they aren’t going to Disneyland?” said one City of Hope representative.Photo by Jordan Whitlow After years of research, …
Scripps Institute of Oceanography to Annex Surrounding Beach Homes
“Talk about trickle-down economics — my hardwood is ruined!” said one La Jolla resident.Photo by Amit Roth The Scripps Institute of Oceanography (SIO) annex of UC …
Following Ecological Destruction, Fisherman Fishes for Compliments
“You’re telling me this fertilizer doesn’t make the water grow faster?” asked one fisherman.Photo by Farhad Taraporevala The loose parking brake of an unattended truck full …
