News
New Standardized Test Implements A Through Z Answer Choices, Fixes Public Education
Several California school districts adopted a new standardized test aimed at providing more effective determinations of a student’s intelligence and knowledge base. The test encourages divergent …
Satan Declares Rap Superstar Fetty Wap “Not a Real Devil Worshiper”
The Dark Lord Satan, also known as Beelzebub, announced his disdain towards popular rapper Fetty Wap in a press conference Tuesday. The press conference, held in …
Nick Jonas Produces “Brokeback Mountain” Remake, Plays All Roles
After his stunning role as a shirtless, gay MMA Fighter in “Kingdom,” his role as a shirtless, gay frat boy in “Scream Queens,” and as a …
Developer of “Melted Ice” Releases New Product Line: “Condensed Steam”
A rising star in the refreshment industry, Pepperson, Co., recently announced the much anticipated release of Condensed Steam (patent pending). Pryce Pepperson, CEO of Pepperson, Co., …
KKK Adjusts to Social Climate with New Progressive Corporate Policies
The KKK released their plan to incorporate new progressive policies last week, in an attempt to recruit new liberal members, and gain support in their effort …
Elon Musk Plans Underwater Mars Colony
SpaceX CEO Elon Musk recently released an ambitious plan to colonize Mars, finding a way to make his lifelong fetish of living on the Red Planet …
UCSD Requires Integrity Tutorial, Pre-Med Students More Cutthroat Than Ever
Incoming UCSD freshmen and transfers were surprised in October when they received an email requiring that they complete an “academic integrity tutorial.” Upon opening the email, …
Local Instagram Users Capture Never-Before-Seen Sunset
A group of Instagrammers managed to photograph what they described as “a sunset like no one had ever seen in the transition between WebMD’s list of …
Toupee Manufacturer Severs Ties with GOP Candidate Donald Trump
Toupee manufacturer Faux Follicles for Falluses, Inc. formally rescinded its support for prospective GOP candidate Donald Trump in a press conference Friday. Though the company initially …
Neighboring Holidays Grow Nervous as Christmas Continues to Expand
The holidays of October and November have grown increasingly more concerned as Christmas has begun expanding into late November, the latest development in Christmas’ unrelenting campaign …
