Farhad Taraporevala
Chancellor Khosla “Surprised” to Find Classified Documents in Office
“Classified? No, these are just top secret,” said Khosla.Photo by Julia Wong Following an anonymous tip, campus police and the Office of Internal Affairs conducted a …
Qatar Imports Polar Ice Cap to Combat Excessive Heat at World Cup
Photo by Amit Roth Following an unsuccessful trial run at Lusail Stadium on September 9, in which the stadium’s vaunted air conditioning system failed to cope …
Ticketmaster CEO to Open New Company: Masterticket
Last week, millions of Swifties experienced “several bear attacks” as they attempted to buy tickets for Taylor Swift’s upcoming tour, Eras. As a result of the …
Scientists Discover Long-Lost Thanksgiving Music
“I’m so glad I have something to play loudly during dinner so I don’t have to talk to my family,” said Thanksgiving music enthusiast Davide Strallman.Photo …
UCSD to Sell Triton2Go Boxes as Christmas Presents for Future Biologists
“When they said UCSD had a weird culture, this is not what I thought they meant,” said Wheatthins.Photo by Romella Sagatelian Last week, HDH announced that …
Competitive Eating Is Good for the Economy
I am an American hero. I am the one who keeps local businesses afloat during COVID-19, who provides the money to put kids through school, who …
Boris Johnson Reelected as U.K.’s Next Prime Minister, Resigns
Former Prime Minister Liz Truss recently resigned after causing the current economic crises facing the U.K. and prompting the value of the pound to plummet. In …
Newton’s Long-lost Fourth Law Revolutionizes Physics
Last Saturday, a janitor was cleaning out a closet and stumbled into a hidden chamber at Trinity College in Cambridge, England. Inside the chamber was an …
UCSD to Remove All Grass on Campus for the Construction of Ninth College
As the construction of its Eighth College nears completion, UC San Diego’s administration has announced a plan for the university’s ninth college, Ninth College. “We needed …
Mercedes Launches New Brake Line Subscription Service
“And I thought my car was crazy for making me pay for a gas subscription,” said Shapoor Laliwalla.Photo by Sharon Roth Last Thursday, Mercedes-Benz announced a …
