Farhad Taraporevala
MLB Hires Striking TV Show Writers
“I’m gonna be great at this whole baseball thing,” said one writer. “I’ve already nailed my opening pitch.”Photo by Jacob King and Maria Dhilla Shortly after …
UCSD Announces Plan for “Giant Space Laser” to Eliminate Bad Weather
Photo by Amit Roth UC San Diego broke ground earlier this week on the construction of the WASTEOFMONEY, or the Weather Augmentation Station That Emits Only …
UCSD Announces New Quantum Art Department
Photo by Amit Roth Early Wednesday morning, UC San Diego announced the creation of the Department of Quantum Art in collaboration with several private donors. In …
March Madness Shortens Format To Draw in Younger Audience
After years of declining viewership, the NCAA announced a shift in their annual March Madness tournament in an effort to “pander to those damn kids.” “It’s …
Guy Fieri Announces Bid for California Senate Seat with Diners, Drive-Ins and Democracy
“If he can beat Bobby Flay, he can do anything,” voiced one voter.Photo by Connor Betterly On Tuesday, February 14, longtime California senator Dianne Feinstein announced …
Local Rancher Inconvenienced by New Breed of Spherical Cow
“I’ll never have to imagine a spherical cow again,” said one physics student.Photo by Millie You This February, cattle rancher Nicholas “Mixalot” Minhoj was “shocked” after …
Goodyear Blimp Grounded Indefinitely
Photo by Amit Roth Throughout the month of February, several balloons flying over North America were shot down by U.S. fighter pilots. Following these incidents, Goodyear …
How Depleted Uranium Could Solve the World Hunger Crisis
Five years ago, I was walking on a trail through the Yucca Mountains in Nevada when I stumbled upon a dull, grayish-black bar of metal. Having …
Biden Declares Bose-Einstein Condensate the New State of the Union
Tuesday night, President Joseph R. Biden shocked the nation during his annual State of the Union address when he declared that the United States would soon …
Chancellor Khosla “Surprised” to Find Classified Documents in Office
“Classified? No, these are just top secret,” said Khosla.Photo by Julia Wong Following an anonymous tip, campus police and the Office of Internal Affairs conducted a …
