Cole Greenbaun
Area Man Recycles, Saves Planet
The eyes of the world were focused on San Diego today, as area man Chase Baron officially saved the planet by recycling his 12-oz can of …
Local Toddler Discovers Santa Claus Not Real, Life Now Meaningless
Local toddler Albert Cameron, age five, was shocked this past week to learn that Santa Claus is not a real person. After overhearing his mother discussing …
Area Scientists Baffled, Can’t Find Cure to Being Set on Fire
Student Zachary Collins recently reported that after spending copious amounts of time and money on his work, he has gotten nowhere in his search to find …
Hillary Clinton Appears on “Sesame Street” to Appeal to the Youth
To combat the political pressure from the growing support of the Bernie Sanders campaign, presidential candidate Hillary Clinton made a recent guest appearance on the children’s …
Actors In 50s “Too Young” to Play Opposite Women in 20s
Multiple actors in Hollywood have recently revealed that they were victims of ageism, being turned down for roles that were intended to be romantic opposites of …
Freshman Attempts Fresh Start, Grows Shitty Beard
Freshman John Puckett announced five weeks ago his decision to grow a beard, despite desperate pleas from friends and family not to. Puckett said he reached …
