The eyes of the world were focused on San Diego today, as area man Chase Baron officially saved the planet by recycling his 12-oz can of Coke. “I’ve always thought that someone should get around to fixing up the trash in the oceans, and cool down global warming; I’m just happy to be able to help,” Baron stated.

Baron, a location scout for BP oil pumps, is reportedly an avid environmentalist, sometimes walking to the Starbucks a block from his house instead of driving, taking short 10 minute showers twice a day, and even turning off his lights when he leaves a room. Recycling his can is only the most recent, though by far most impactful, of countless environmental good deeds he has done.

“I always knew Chase was a truly caring man when it came to Mother Earth,” said Otto Manler, Chase’s coworker at BP. “Whenever he would scout a place for a new oil pump, he would always make sure that the pumps wouldn’t kill too many plants or animals. With such loose regulations, he never had to, but he always did. Goddammit, I love that man!”

While friends and family have been sending Baron thanks, there has been an even greater outpouring of support around the world for Baron’s noble undertaking. President Obama has awarded Baron the Presidential Medal of Freedom for “having the strength to do what no one else could”, and also concurrently disbanded the EPA. Baron has also been made an “honorary polar bear” by Polar Bears International for saving all polar bears.

“Look, I’m just a simple guy, who tried to make the world the better place.” Baron said, “All this praise and congratulation is really too much. Though I will happily accept all of it. And if people want to give me money, I wouldn’t be against that either.”

In honor of his achievements and accomplishments for the sake of the world, the UN has announced “International Chase Day” in place of Earth Day, to celebrate the brave work of Chase and give the children of the world a better future. A UN spokesperson stated, “Once every millennia, a person comes along who is too good, too pure, and far more than any of of us dirty peasants deserve. Chase is this man. Who else could have recycled that fateful can on that fateful day, and saved our planet for all future generations? I know not I, nor you, nor anyone else could have. It had to be Chase. He is the

Chosen One.”

As the newly proclaimed Savior of Earth, Baron has been showered with riches from all over the world, and has taken up residence in the Taj Mahal, now known as the Taj Chas-hal, where he has been waited on hand and foot by various celebrities. Al Gore has reportedly dedicated himself to Baron as a life-long companion, saying “Chase brought my life’s work to fruition, so I owe my humble, wholly undeserving life to him now. May he live forever, a shining paragon of human virtue.”

While Baron has been living the high life, recent developments may herald the end for Baron’s ascendancy. Reports have come out that Baron did not in fact save the world, and that the world is still suffering from an environmental disaster, stemming from local garbage man Steve Nashers.

“Yeah, I saw him do it,” said Nashers. “He didn’t recycle the can at all! In fact, he missed the recycling bin all together and just watched it tumble into the street and walked away. What a shame, what a shame. We were so close to having a perfect world, but I guess that goes to show you that the planet can never be fixed. I guess we should just go back to cutting down rainforests and dumping antifreeze into the ocean, because if not even our best efforts are enough, what’s the point?”