Alberto Ruiz
Executive Committee Prepares for Start of Quarter Dance-off
In accordance with the founding principles of the University of California, members of the executive commitee, including Chancellor Pradeep K. Khosla, must defend their positions in …
Former Child Star Explores Career Opportunities
Star of hit Disney Channel show Fairy Godmother, Alina Jay, has been spotted around La Jolla trying out a variety of careers. Meg, insider source and …
CIA ‘Operation Dirty Talk’ Uncovered
Leaked internal CIA documents have shed light on Operation Dirty Talk, an ongoing joint venture with phone sex call center Masturline aimed at extracting secrets from …
NFL to have most Technologically Advanced Super Bowl yet
On February 5, Roger Goodell, commissioner of the NFL, announced that Super Bowl LVIII will be the “most technologically advanced ever.” “We have ensured that Allegiant …
Congressional Committee Distracted by Fly
“Kids these days have terrible attention spans… Wait, what’s that?” asked Senator Joe Manchin.Photo by Erica Rosslee A closed-door hearing for the Joint Congressional Committee on …
UCSD Buys Seaworld to Expand SIO Research
On Tuesday, the Regents of the University of California allowed UC San Diego to buy the SeaWorld theme park for a price of $200 million to …
Housing, Dining & Hospitality Announces Draft
“The selective service currently has an acceptance rate of 34.2%,” said General Khosla.Photo by James Woolley On Monday, UC San Diego revealed its plans to enact …
Why Can’t I Find a Relationship
Things were looking up for me this summer. I hit the sweet seven-inch growth spurt every man in his early 20s yearns for, my socially debilitating …
SPIN Scooters Unionize
“I don’t feel like this strike is going anywhere,” said one scooter. “We’re just spinning in place.”Photo by Millie You As students return to campus this …
Salk Researchers Find Chemicals in Water Supply
“Chemicals in the water supply? Next thing you know they’ll be putting chemicals in food!” said one parent.Photo by James Woolley In a new report from …
