The MQ
Browns Receive Second Round Pick in Trade, Also Q.B. Brock Osweiler
A spokesperson for the Cleveland Browns announced last week that the team’s management is ecstatic that they’ve received a second-round pick in a trade with the …
Top Ten: Ways to Tell If Your Roommate Is in the Mafia
Your room is filled with decapitated horse bodies Their solution to most problems is “I know a guy” Their pasta comes out perfect every time They …
Football Fan Hates Every Team in the League, Watched Every Game
Local NFL fan Ryan Pederson announced Sunday during the Superbowl that he loathes every single team in the league, especially his favorite team, the Denver Broncos. …
New Study Shows People are Your Friends If You Just Say They are Behind Their Backs
Openly acknowledging and addressing your friends as “friends” may strengthen your relationship, according to an American Psychological Association report released last Tuesday. In a surprising twist, …
Area Man Excited to M.C. This Year’s Geometry Convention
The 2017 Convention of Geometry Enthusiasts will have its main festivities hosted by Area Man, a popular children’s educator who specializes in teaching how to define …
Humanities Recruitment Actually a Front for Gathering Small Army
Last month, UCSD’s Arts and Humanities Advantage (AHa) Outreach Internship Program received the Innovation Grant. The program focuses on recruitment for the department, but does not …
7.1 Earthquake Downgraded to 6.8, Lost Points for Style
Honduras suffered a crushing blow this morning, as a local earthquake lost 0.3 points from its original score in a rare case of score revision, leading …
Hopeless Romantic Ignores 13th Straight Tinder Match
Leading up to the annual February 14 rush of love-seeking that most call Valentine’s Day, Alex Pross downloaded the popular dating app Tinder, in hopes of …
Confused Man Awakens from VR, Tries Gaming in Real Life
After falling asleep from playing in VR for a week straight, 27-year-old Kurt Ambrose woke up confused and in a crazed state in his bedroom, believing …
Frank Sinatra to Be Posthumously Flown to the Moon
In a discussion of moon travel at a local comic convention, television scientists were asked multiple times: “Why the hell hasn’t Frank Sinatra been flown to …
