The MQ
Student Helps to Fight Drought, Continues to Not Shower
Local hero Brian Mulligan announced on Facebook last Wednesday that he is giving up his personal hygiene in order to combat the severe drought in California. …
UCSD Student Fails COGS 107A, Turing Test
A study conducted by the Cognitive Science Student Association in adjunct with Associated Students as part of their grade distribution collection has determined that third-year UC …
George R.R. Martin Allegedly Killed Off by Own Characters
George R. R. Martin, considered by some to be the most prolific serial killer in history, was found dead in his home last Sunday with a …
La Jolla Hammerhead Admits Dissatisfaction with Local Real Estate, Heads Back to Mexico
La Jolla Shores Beach was emptied last week in response to a hammerhead shark sighting. Contrary to popular belief and hearsay, the shark had not arrived …
Freshman Pre-Med Calls It, UCSD’s Official Time of Death Oct. 9, 10:28 PM
On October 9, Michael Zhao officially called it. Listing the time of death as 10:28 pm, Zhao loudly proclaimed that UCSD truly was UC Socially Dead. …
Undeclared Major Impacted
UC San Diego announced yesterday that it is declaring its “Undeclared” major impacted due to record enrollment and unprecedented demand for the major. This comes after …
Study Finds Men More Masculine Than Ever
Men have been found to be manlier than ever, as reported by a recent scientific study. Researchers attribute this increase in manliness to factors including the …
Area Cat First Ever to Catch the Red Dot
Guthrie Jagermanjensen, a seven-year-old British shorthair from Claremont Mesa accomplished the “glorious feat” of catching the red dot that has eluded cats around the world for …
Top Ten Things You Didn’t Expect To See at Black’s Beach
Good, wholesome family fun Oscar-winner Tom Hanks on a raft with a volleyball My goddamn tax money Apparently birthmarks are back in style All four members …
Top Fifteen Similarities between Your Iced Coffee and Your Nagging Mother
You always feel the need to poop 15 minutes afterwards Part of Dad’s morning ritual Cause of a screaming match with the Anaheim Starbucks barista Freud’s …
